Saturday, 26 November 2011

Is the Clock Ticking for Scameron?

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Conservative MP Patrick Mercer, pursued by salivating gutter press hacks, has once again refused to discuss claims he called Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron a "despicable creature without any redeeming features" – albeit stating for the public record that such a label would be an insult to ‘despicable creatures’.

Several gutter press red top tabloids reported that the former Army officer made a series of disparaging remarks about the prime minister during a private séance at the Clairvoyants Club annual dinner earlier this month, after quaffing back several litres of Old Headbanger lager.
While in his cups, Mercer gave his crystal ball a good pre-scrying polish then predicted that PM Scameron would be ousted in a backbench coup next spring and leave the political arena with his tail between his legs.

The Sunday Shitraker and Scandalmongers Gazette both carried a report of the comments made by Mercer, who opined to fellow guests at the function he’d "Rather get some swan-roasting pikey beggar off the street and put them in Downing Street than have that pretentious public school shit Scameron in there lording it over everyone like Baron Snooty. He’s the frog who dreams of being a toad.”

“Scameron’s the worst politician in British history – well, since Tony Bliar and that other Scots twat - Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown". His first priority is basing Broken Britain’s foreign policy on what Lord Rothshite and the Israeli scumbags demand – totally at odds with the interests of the UK’s taxpaying electorate.”

“Then he’s always there gobbing off and pontificating on his favourite subject – himself. Then you’ve got all those little sycophant stooges scurrying around to massage his ego – Willy Vague, Ian Duncan Smut and that horrible lying bitch Teresa Maybe. All spouting on about their Posh Dave being blessed with the wisdom of Solomon – which to my memory actually centred on the singular fact he used to decide legal wrangles over possession being nine-tenths of the law by threatening to chop babies in half. Now where’s the wisdom in that approach?”

Mercer, the Tory MP for Newark, was forced to resign as Scameron's shadow homeland security spokesman in 2007 after a monumental faux pas of making racial comments in the public arena concerning the composition of the ranks of the British Army - which included politically incorrect references to ‘rag-heads’, ‘darkies’, ‘nig-nogs’ ‘effin’ Pakis’ and ‘egg plants’ – all deemed by party bosses to be forms of unacceptable terminology aimed at our coloured brothers – especially when made in the saloon bar of Notting Hill’s Rastafarian Arms.

Following his fall from grace, Mercer was branded as the party pariah and condemned to wear a leper’s bell, had his name crossed off the Tory inner circle’s Christmas card list - and membership of the Posh Dave Fan Club rescinded.

A veritable outcast, grown jaundiced and resentful of his contemporary Tory MPs – referring to them all as ‘oicks’ and corrupt pro-Zionist stooges - Mercer now haunts the House of Conmans’ Augean corridors and back benches, scowling at all and sundry, alike Diogenes before him - and wishing he’d stayed in the Army and out of politics – but content with being an unpredictable and constant thorn in Scameron’s foot.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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