Thursday, 17 November 2011

Broken Britain – No Longer ‘Fixable’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Bank of England’s dog wanker of a boss, Mervyn Kong – yet another Rothshite crime syndicate career stooge in his own right - confided to one press hack from the Debtocracy Gazette (on the condition he didn’t tell more than a dozen) that depression-stricken Broken Britain is now such a total balls-up that there’s no more than a cat in Hell’s chance of ever mending the mess and restoring the dump to its former 1980’s Thatcher era de-industrialised glory.

During a later news conference where he delivered the Bank's quarterly inflation report, Sir Mervyn applied rhetoric over logic by announcing that the eurozone crisis was the single biggest risk to the UK’s economy – even though the UK isn’t a member of the fatally-flawed 17 nation fubar.

“The UK’s economy has stagnated, like the water in my goldfish bowl that snuffed poor old Nemo – and it’s only our creative accounting, juggling the books and printing shedloads more money – what we term ‘quantitative easing’ – that’s keeping the country afloat. In all reality we’re as badly off as Greece and Italy – worth what we’re stood up in.”

“Metaphorically the UK economy is a shipwreck – a 30 vehicle motorway pile-up – and both lanes are closed to traffic for the foreseeable future.”
“Considering the fact we no longer make anything that other countries want – apart from arms and bombs and nasty land mines – hence the monumental unemployment figures – and the old optimistic concept of seeing the oak tree in the acorn is consigned to history – for a couple of generations at least.”

“So God help us if something like the Falklands conflict kicks off again as we’ll definitely be up shitcreek with this clot Scameron as the PM – the bloody Argies will sneak along the Channel and annex the Isle of Wight before the Navy’s got its best rowing boats launched.”

The latest figures released by the Libservative Coalition admit to an appalling excess of 2:6 zillion of the common herd out of work – but that’s disingenuously ignoring the hundreds of thousands who no longer qualify for Jobseekers’ Allowance and have said ‘Fuck it!’ with a capital F - if they’re not getting any financial benefit then why bother to sign on and start playing the moronic Orwellian Stage 2, 3 and 4 ‘How to Find a Non-Existent Job in Basket Case Britain’ pantomime (cos they’ve all been gobbled up by Eastern European pikeys).

Addressing the worst crisis to hit Britain since the last crisis, the homophobic Works & Pensions Minister, Chris ‘Pitbull’ Grayarea, the Tory MP for Flotsam & Jetsam, informed media hacks that “Hopefully these horrifying unemployment figures will look better in the Spring due legions of out of work and homeless peasant types freezing to death over the Winter.”

Thought for the day: Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown’s 2008 Bankster Bailout Bill, has now been amended by the Tory-dominated Libservative Coalition to become the Bankster Bailout & Guaranteed Bonus Act 2010.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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