Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Things to Come: Big Brother Needs You!

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

To read between the lines of the UK’s gutter press media reports over the past few days, concerning the scheduled Wednesday, 30th November ‘one day’ withdrawal of labour strikes by Bolshie public sector workers whingeing over their pension deals being fucked over with malice aforethought, Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative Coalition have gone into headless ‘Chicken Little’ mode, with Francis Maude running around branding every fucker and their dog as ‘anarchist malcontents’ and screaming “We’re losing control! Time for some new draconian laws on union ballots! We need to ban strikes and all industrial action immediately - if not sooner!”

The Lib-Dum’s ginger-mingin Chief Treasury Secretary, Danny Alexander resorted to clutching at straws by waving a ‘more at scent than substance’ threat that recent fictitious amendments to the government's non-existent ‘pension improvement’ offer could be withdrawn if the strike – (involving borders control staff, local authority jobsworths, teachers and NHS workers – plus the Butcher, the Baker and Candlestick Maker) – goes ahead as planned.

To add to the confusion of who in government said what concerning this mythical offer the ‘Jock in a frock’ Treasury Secretary has conjured up out of thin air, one whistle-blowing insider source who spoke to press hacks on conditions of anonymity (Frank Hapless – DWP) informed the Daily Shitraker that negotiations with the public sector unions are being purposely undertaken on a segregated basis so as to initiate a cat fight and hence divide and conquer – with them all proceeding at different speeds – basically slow and slower.

Hence little wonder the working class are pissed off - and rightly so too with a couldn’t care less government dictating they work years longer and pay more for a pittance of a state pension that inflation will have knocked the bollocks out of by the time they retire and hobble up on a Zimmer frame to claim it.

Thus the war of words has finally reached a stalemate critical mass and is due to erupt in grand cataclysmic fashion in the form of a nation-wide strike action on Wednesday – which will involve what statisticians refer to as ‘lots and lots of people’ – estimated to exceed a Biblical multitude if every fucker heeds the Unions’ call to arms and throw Scameron’s fatally-flawed mess of a coalition government the big finger.

And for any government, that’s the worry – losing control – which shatters the veneer that government policy is working. Hence, when the Bolshie proletariat start thinking for themselves in such a display of civil disobedience, then it’s obviously time for Big Brother to put his foot down with a firm hand.

The gospel according to the Tavistock Institute’s social engineers, what’s required is the establishment of a totalitarian state – on the lines of Mao’s Peoples’ Marxist Utopia of China - or Stalin’s 'Smiley Face' USSR – or Hitler’s friendly fascist Germany – or Pol Pot’s Cambodia – (none of which had much to offer in the social welfare benefits / pensions scheme of things).

Conversely, would a Hitlerian fascist state work for a Western government today?
Hmmm, you better believe it - only too right it would. The good ole US of A are about to impose their martial law state with the ‘Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act’ and the ‘National Defence Authorization Act’.
And in the UK all the pieces of the same Kafkaesque jigsaw are laid out – just a matter of slotting them together.

As the national Plod Squads are going to be fully occupied working alongside the Army, and local authorities already have their PSCO imitation plods on the streets, a full contingent of shit-for-brains traffic wardens will be bestowed with a warrant card and shiny buttons – and ramped up Stasi-style powers as Community Enforcement Officers, authorised to stop n search – and enter the homes of any hapless sod suspected of dissident leanings.

We already have an infestation of ‘see n listen’ CCTV cameras up the yin-yang (now being fitted in taxi cabs also) - plus Cheltenham GCHQ and Echelon eavesdropping everything communicated over landlines, cellphones, e-mails, text messages, smoke signals and tom-toms – and a media that puts out precisely what the government tells it to – and nothing more – so the job’s been halfway achieved through the old tip-toe one step at a time trick already.

So while the Plods and Army are busy throwing up a couple of dozen FEMA style Red Zone / Blue Zone concentration camps around our once-sceptred isle, the UK’s ubiquitous Renta-Thug security agencies - G4S and Securitas, etcetera et al, will be tasked with rounding up all the dissident types. Anyone with a UKIP sticker in their window or wearing a ‘We are the 99%’ t-shirt or any homeless sod found ‘Occupying’ something or the other by way of a personal display of protest – arrested and thus criminalised for disagreeing with government policies.

Then they’ll start on the unemployed yobsters and anyone with a green tint and conspicuous gel-set spiky hair-do. Next comes the conscientious objectors who don’t fancy playing Irish hop scotch in an Afghani mine field – along with the Pancake Tuesday Adventists, the Flat Earthers, the Pastafarians, and the Druids - and any other fucker or their dog the government label as ‘weirdoes'.

Business Secretary Vince Cobble, often considered a total idiot, and never one to miss the chance of opening his big gob and confirming the fact, sided with Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude and threatened the TUC chief Brendan Barber with excommunication if Wednesday’s strike takes place.
“What we need are tougher ballot laws to get the jackboot on these damn union’s necks. They’re playing with fire – and if the fire brigade’s on strike too then doubtless they'll be in real trouble – up shitcreek without a hose pipe – or is it a paddle?

Taking a fatally-flawed heuristic approach to learning via 20/20 hindsight how much shit the voting public will put up with before it reaches a critical mass state and a bloody rebellion occurs, Posh Dave Scameron, resembling the bungling Field Marshal Herbert Kitchener in a WW1 recruitment poster, gave a press conference today, drumming up Big Society volunteers to join his newly-formed “Big Brother Need You” Snitch & Grassers Brigade.

“I intend to apply the statutes of the Police Reform & Social Responsibility Act 2011 to clamp down on these bloody mutinies – damn peasants going on strike for a day and crippling our economy. Not one of these ungrateful oicks has any intention of helping me to mend Broken Britain by striking. Plus we simply cannot have the sheeple thinking for themselves and taking the initiative – that threatens the entire concept of government control and the established power structure that’s taken centuries to recreate thanks to that damn Magna Carta. Really, Bolshie bastard free-spirits and anarchists have ruined this bloody country for the aristocracy!”

“They might think there’s safety in numbers with a couple of zillion of them all going on strike together, but just wait until we get our FEMA camps set up and running (Federal Emergency Military Authority - a euphemism for Martial Law) - then they won’t be so keen. Our Big Society volunteers are getting the full NLP brain-washing leadership brouhaha from Common Purpose – then we’ll slip their leashes and put the cat amongst the poultry.”

Do you want to join Posh Dave’s Big Society? Do you know the definition of a volunteer? Some dumb fucker who has totally misunderstood the question put to them.
Would you like to be part of a paranoid Kafkaesque despotic regime that sees subversion, insurgency and anarchy lurking in every corner and shadow?
Would you like to sign up for the Renta-Thug brigade and join the phalanxes of body armour-clad morons and psychos sadists – all kitted out with a licence to hurt whoever the fuck they like with their arsenals of truncheons, pepper spray, baton rounds and Tasers.

So, once the dissident internment gulags are up and running who in this supposedly enlightened age is to man the gates, turn on the Zyklon B gas valves in the showers and stoke the crematorium ovens?
For starters we have legions of officious petty bureaucrats and lickspittle jobsworths - stricken with a variety of negative human traits and idiosyncrasies - and misanthropic scumbags throughout.

Doubtless the Big Society recruits will include a wide selection of homophobes, religious fanatics and racists – plus the psychos who chop the heads off an aviary full of exotic birds, play football with hedgehogs and shove hamsters and cats in microwaves just for the hell of it. Then we have the likes of the notorious moggie binner, Mary Bale, who’s probably wouldn’t even blink an eye commanding a firing squad composed of juvenile yobsters and hoodies.

Anyone who applauded the University of California-Davis police unit last weekend for starters – they with the sadistic mindset to pepper spray harmless sit-in protesters in the face have the inherent qualifications for a career in human rights and wrong abuse.

Then we have sadists of the calibre of the Met’s Plod Squad’s Renta-Thug Division morons – up for putting half a clip of 9mm parabellum into the head of an innocent Brazilian electrician after mistaking him for a Mid-Eastern Islamic terrorist suspect. All handy lads to have around a concentration camp and usher the hard core rebel inmates into the Red Zone’s gas chambers.

Definitely wouldn’t want to miss out on Sgt Delboy Stinkie of G20 notoriety either - a psycho pugilist who gets his kicks from thumping skinny split-arsed anti-globalism protesters in the face. Next up is PC Slimy Simon Harwood – an as-yet unconvicted murderer - who prefers the behind-the-back sneak approach when belting innocent passers-by with a steel baton across the legs and shoving them to the pavement so they impact their skulls and drop dead a few minutes later.

A dead cert’ for manning the guard posts under the Arbeit Macht Frei sign is the Plod Squad thug who tipped the crippled Jodie McIntire out of his wheelchair and hauled him across the road by the scruff of his neck – for his own protection, mind you - during the student tuition fee hike demo’s last December.

Too, Sgt Mark Andrews who dragged senior citizen motorist Pamela Somerville across the police station floor and tossed her violently into a cell, causing horrible facial injuries for which she was later hospitalised – a crime he was acquitted of on appeal by ‘Judge Bean’ as he was ‘only doing his duty’ – a moronic verdict reminiscent of the stock Nazi defence at Nuremberg.

Oh yes, all these and more - all qualified for Schultzstaffel / Gestapo / Stasi / KGB type Storm Trooper posts in Scameron’s dystopic Big Brother regime.
It’s the uniform that attracts and goes to their heads as it bestows them with this illusional empowering aura of ‘authority’ – which puts them above the law they claim to enforce – and bestows a licence to brutalise – a job that attracts sickos and sadists who have no concept of the definition of empathy or the term ‘pro bono’.

Hmmm, rightly so the latest mantra of the Bolshie 99% demo’ protesters goes “No Justice – No Peace: Fuck the Police!”

While Scameron wants the rank and file of the common herd behaving like Pavlov’s dog to NLP soundbites: Fetch! Sit! Beg! Shake a paw! Roll over! Play dead! Good dog! - doesn’t the depth of his elitist hypocrisy make you want to spew.
Here he is screaming blue murder that this one-day strike will cripple the UK’s economy yet forgets he mandated a Bank Holiday for Prince Wills and Katie Middleclass’ Royal Wedding - and has another one scheduled for next year to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Royal Parasite’s coronation.
So, does an extra Tory-promoted holiday cripple the economy? Obviously not when Posh Dave ordains such a deal. Hmmm, double standards, anyone?

Thought for the day: While Orwell’s 1984 provides both alarming and prophetic insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, perhaps it is time, and again prudent, to remind PM Posh Dave Scameron and his Libservative Coalition that the revelatory text was a ‘warning’ aimed at the common people – and definitely not a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to impose on their own voting public.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

So, if you’re a wannabe illegal immigrant on the lookout for a safe haven with lots of welfare benefits available, look no further – simply turn up at any of Broken Britain’s air or sea ports this coming Wednesday and you’ll be stamped in by the bunch of morons manning the immigration desks faster than shit through a goose.
Never forget, recession besides, Morecambe Bay always needs new cockle pickers.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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