EUSSR Ban Nursery Rhymes

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest political correctness insanities to be laid at the UK’s door by the moronic inmates of the Brussels-based EUSSR Parliament are a set of regulations purportedly designed to safeguard children – in this particular instance by censoring fairy tales and nursery rhymes – with Three Blind Mice being the first to be banned as it promotes knife crime and the mutilation of sentient creatures – a decision applauded by Broken Britain’s RSPCA and the Common Purpose social engineering organisation.

Next on the hit list is Little Bo Peep – for setting a bad example to other children by not having her pets kitted out with Verison locator chips.
Jack and Jill are up at the top of the list too – as an example of breach of child labour statutes and HSE regulations regarding hard hats and protective clothing – plus no mention made of Jack’s work-related personal injury being reported or entered into an accident log.
Humpty Dumpty cops it for the same reasons – ignoring HSE procedures by sitting atop a high wall without a footed ladder, scaffolding or a cherry picker – nor wearing a safety harness or protective gear.

Georgie Porgie’s out – due emphasis on carb-addictive high cholesterol diet (puddings & pies) and sexual harassment (smooching girls against their will) – with nary a word of his latent homosexuality nor having to sign the Sex Offenders’ Register.
Ding Dong Dell is another victim – banned due the fact it might tempt children to emulate the sadistic actions of Birmingham’s notorious cat binner Mary ‘Moggy Hater’ Bale.

Little Miss Muffet gets the boot – for generating a paranoid fear of arachnids and promoting an unnecessary ‘spider in the bath’ anxiety syndrome amongst children.
Mary had a Little Lamb gets chopped – ambiguous references to teen pregnancies and promotion of sex with sheep.
Likewise with There was an Old Woman who lived in a Shoe – for promoting teenage sex without regard for contraception, or family planning.

The old Who Killed Cock Robin rhyme got a black mark after it was discovered children were being taught by Bolshie parents to respond “It woz that Tony Bliar war criminal bloke”.
Doctor Foster was stricken off for slandering Gloucester council highways department over potholed roads – followed by the iconic Simple Simon – for its inherent political incorrectness in promoting the ridicule of the educationally sub-normal and labelling them as fodder for commercial extortion.

The Victorian era kiddies’ favourite, Diddle, Piddle, Dumpling, My Son John (he ran down the street with no trousers on), under scrutiny for some time due it’s underlying theme of giving a sense of legitimacy to the perverse sport of flashing, will be henceforth expurgiated from the Oxford Book of Nursery Rhymes.

Baa Baa Blacksheep gets the spike for racist undertones, with the Mother Gooseberg favourite ‘Solomon Grundstein’ hit by Abe Poxman’s Anti-Defamation League and a legion of like ZioNazi groups with their customary denunciation chutzpah for content branded anti-Semitic and promoting Holohoax denial.

Old Mother Hubbard was excised for its anti-government propaganda content – highlighting the plight of pensioners who can’t afford to feed themselves or their pets.
Pop Goes the Weasel is out – for promoting confusion regarding the futures exchange and market value trends – plus intimating that quantitative easing is the reason for inflation - and the rhyme’s references of cruelty to lesser primates.
Last but not least is Hey Diddle Diddle – banned as it promoted an accepted normality of delusional antics by animals and encouraged hallucinogenic drug abuse.

Thought for the day: So, is Goldilocks of fairy tale fame next on the criminal intentions hit list? Shagged out from a long night of house-breaking exertions, she suffers a severe ‘blonde moment’ lapse in operational procedures and takes an Irish power nap in Baby Bear’s bunk– only to be awakened several hours later by a family of irate grizzlies – and gets beaten to death with a pool cue – which Papa Bear claims was an act of self-defence.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.