Friday, 25 November 2011

Scatty Scameron Loses the Plot

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, yesterday informed an amused audience of House of Conmans MPs that public sector walkouts planned for Wednesday, November 30th, were ‘very naughty’ and deliberately aimed at causing inconvenience to zillions of people throughout the known Universe – and on a conspicuously paranoid note, of making him look bad too.
“What a bunch of bloody oicks. Really, it’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by damn chickens.”

To add to this moronic diatribe, he added that those adversely affected would include legions of parents. Thus, due teachers being on strike, company bosses should be compelled to allow staff to bring their children to work– otherwise they might just decide to say “Fuck it!” and stay at home posting anarchist-orientated tweets on Twitter and Facebook.

“Working parents are going face a struggle to arrange childcare as all these unpatriotic, Bolshie teachers who don’t seem to give a shit about helping me mend Broken Britain are set to take part in this radical 24-hour walkout protest over Iain Duncan Smut’s latest pension reforms. Hence I suggest that employers let worker-parents bring their kiddies along with them for that day – if, of course, their parents aren’t on strike themselves.”
“Also, employers might well consider allowing staff to work from home – unless they’re members of the local Plod Squad or train drivers – which might not present a problem for the latter as lots of these sprogs will have plenty of Rattle Track type experience from playing with their own model railway sets.”

To this end and by way of setting an example, Number 10’s civil service jobsworths have been tasked with setting up a temporary crèche on the premises to help out their key spin doctors and propaganda staff who’ll be fully occupied concocting porky pies as to why Britain is getting involved with the US Zionist’s plot to invade Syria in the next couple of weeks and spoil their Christmas.

Chancellor Georgie Osborne, over at the Treasury, informed one press hack from the Subversives Gazette that the strikes, speculated to involve an excess of four zillion public sector workers, will cost the UK’s already stagnant economy what banksters are referring to as ‘lots and lots of money’.

Further, the Department for Health is rumoured to be organising contingency plans to cope with a hugely disruptive day for the NHS, with thousands of vital posts throughout the hospital service left unmanned by striking staff – and a projected mortality rate of 65% for bed-ridden patients calculated to occur over the 24 hour staff walkout period.

However, Tory Health Secretary Andrew Lansley informed media reporters that he had spoken personally with the CEO of the British Undertakers Association and been assured that a supply of ‘Stay-Fresh’ insulated body bags would be available to hospital mortuaries if they started to overflow with dead patients.
“I mean, if it comes down to the nitty gritty, well, especially with the weather getting colder we can always borrow one of those excavator thingy machines off the council and dig a series of mass graves in the local parks to get rid of the bodies.”

Thought for the day: Hmmm, one dodge that scatty Scameron purposely overlooked - perhaps parents should simply get on the phone to Renta-Nanny and put the cost down on their expenses – same as Caroline Spelman, the ginger-mingin Tory frontbencher MP for East Ripoffs was doing - (a hefty £9,600 of taxpayers’ money embezzled until someone grassed her up and the Parliamentary anti-sleaze watchdogs put a stop to her felonious fiddles).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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