Baroness Udders Pleads Poverty

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

After proving to be slimier than a snot-soaked eel in escaping prosecution for embezzling £125,000-plus quid in public funds via her concocted expense claims, the suspended New Labour peer Baroness Manky Polo Udders is to be allowed back into the House of Lords without coughing up what the venal bitch owes to the UK’s taxpaying voters – due the fact that an Alice in Wonderland double standard system of justice still pervades Broken Britain’s legal system.

For the same crime in Saudi Arabia, the dumpy dwarf of a peer would have had at least one hand chopped off – but here in our once-sceptred isle this brazen immigrant mongrel - emanating a stench of graft and corruption from every pore and possessed with lashings of unqualified arrogance - is allowed under our unfit-for-purpose laws to rub the public's noses in the smelly brown stuff by strolling into the Upper House on April Fool’s Day 2012 - entitled to start claiming £300 nicker per day for sitting on her fat arse and scratching her crotch.

House of Lords spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gamm informed one reporter from the Ripoffs Gazette that allowing peers to return after being found guilty of wrongly claiming expenses and forcing them to repay what they owe were, moronically, separate issues.
“We have been led to understand that the baroness now disingenuously claims she’s spent the money and cannot afford to make the repayments demanded. Hence we have not received a single penny from the woman and trying to provide a declaration of assets is comparable to talking to a fucking wall – so any attempt to actually milk her for a full repayment of the embezzled expenses will be like trying to shove butter up a meerkat’s shitter with a red hot knitting needle.”

Baroness Udders, the type of person who gives illegal immigrants a bad name, was criticised for designating a house owned by her half brother twice removed in Bangladesh as her main home for four years - and for a further five years disingenuously stating for the public record that her main home was a flat in Maidstone that, according to neighbours, had been deserted since the kikester slum property landlord Peter Rachman went out of business.

The gospel according to community-orientated snitches, during that period Udders’ actual domicile was a three-bedroom house in Scumborough Hamlets, east London, rented from a social housing association – for which her unemployed spouse Kumar claimed Housing Benefit from the local council.

To wit, considering this evidence, the Lords Privileges and Conduct Committee concluded in 2010 that the claims for these two homes were made wrongly and in bad faith" – a euphemism for ‘criminal embezzlement’ - and called for the full amount of fiddled expenses - £125,349.10 - to be repaid immediately, if not sooner.

However the House of Lords – unlike the law courts - has no effective powers to force a money-grubbing peer found guilty of petty theft - or grand larceny as in Polo Udders case - to repay expenses or to maintain a Parliamentary ban until the embezzled money is repaid.

This issue was mentioned in a Lords standards and conduct sub-committee report, headed by the former head of MI5, Baroness Manningham-Bullshitter who warned "We do not consider that a member should be able to return to the service of the House while repayment of amounts which were wrongfully claimed is still due as this risks bringing the House into further disrepute. This is especially so if the member concerned is then able to claim further attendance allowances from the public purse – unfortunately a much-abused privilege conferred by the Queen.”
“Thus we suggest that if Udders does have the bare-faced gall to return to these chambers and chooses to remain delinquent in repaying the embezzled sum, we suggest that any and all future-claimed expenses are docked until the owed amount of some £125,000-plus quid tallies up.”

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 750,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Mrs Udders condition - however it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of her fellow House of Lords peers that the words ‘Thieving Cunt’ come pretty close.

Thought for the day. If there was any semblance of justice being dispensed in Broken Britain then the Baroness Udders - yet another money-grubbing elitist leech who thinks she’s entitled to shove her sticky felonious paws into the public purse whenever it pleases her - should have gone to prison alongside her equally-dishonest fellow House of Conmans MPs and House of Lords contemporaries.
Obviously, much to our disgust, this was not the case and the Crown Prosecution Service is negligent in failing to pursue legal means to facilitate the recovery of the embezzled funds via seizing bank accounts and / or other assets.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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