UK ‘Emergency Budget’ to Slash Welfare

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Coalition Ubermensch Chancellor ‘Boy George’ Oddborne informed one reporter from the Penny Pinchers Review that the government has targeted welfare benefits, tax credits and public sector pensions for ‘drastic cuts’ in the scheduled 22nd June emergency budget.

However, according to one Treasury whistleblower working for the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers charity, the proposed budget will impose not so much ‘cuts’ but more likely ‘eviscerate’ the entire welfare system to a similar level it was at in pre-Magna Carta days – during those jolly old Dark Ages when peasants had to fend for themselves by living in the forests, scoffing venison and acorns, and robbing the landed gentry.

The emergency budget is also forecast to see VAT increased from its current level of 17.5 per cent as ministers battle with Britain's huge £156 zillion deficit brought about by having a succession of Scottish porridge wogs in charge of the nation’s piggy bank for 13 years (not a lucky number) – specifically Messers Broon and Darling - neither of which even passed a GCE in Maths or Bean Counting.

The Value Added Tax hike – estimates by optimists and cynics alike to perhaps be as high as a wallet-searing 20% – would also hit drinkers and smokers in the pocket yet again - repeating the 5% increase in alcohol and ciggy duty levied on them by Alastair Darling’s final last ditch Labour budget in March to milk the common herd into total penury.

Political and business sector opponents and critics alike claim this double whammy tax-raising package will do more harm than good by causing further job losses thus bringing the total of unemployed in the country to well over three zillion – while at the same time slashing jobseekers allowance – not the wisest of moves.

Conversely the radical political action group ‘Patriots of Albion’ has put forward its own emergency budget and yesterday nailed a copy to the front door of the House of Conmans, al la Martin Luther fashion.
Their first piece of decisive strategy to have the word ‘Great’ to precede ‘Britain’ once again is for the Bank of England to be seized back from foreign kikester ownership and start printing our own interest-free currency.
Move number two would be to opt out of the cesspit of graft and corruption that is now titled the EUSSR and make a quantum shift back to being the sovereign and insular island state that worked for centuries prior to Edward Heath’s treachery when he signed away our independence for membership of a Europe we aren’t a part of.

Next on the Patriots’ cost-cutting agenda - cancel the UK / London hosting of the 2012 Olympics and let Greece hold them – if they still own Mount Olympus.

The Climate Change Bill along with the entire man-made global warming phobia / fantasy and carbon credits cap n trade exchange scam gets the boot also – saving us a pre-committed £205 billion quid - with a further proviso for the government to ignore these dodgy conflict of interest climate ‘experts’ and wake up to the fact that CO2 is a necessary gas for all plant life on the planet to survive and thrive.

The most attractive proposal is their plan to slash the bloated bureaucratic ranks of civil service jobsworths and those polishing the arse of their pants in local council non-jobs while raking in mega-bucks for doing sweet Fanny Adams and clocking up pensions that would pay off the Greek national deficit twice over and still leave enough in change to buy every fucker and their dog in Scunthorpe a double scoop 99’er ice cream cone.

High on their proposed agenda is to recall British troops from Afghanistan where they’re simply providing target practice for the Taliban while they guard the American’s gas pipeline, help out with the opium harvests – and cost a fortune in body bags to fly home for burial.
While not actually making mention of the UK being a party to illegal foreign wars simply at the behest of the Zionist kikester New World Order overlords, it does focus on the fact the Ministry of Propaganda should halt its policy of propagating the fallacious lies and myths that demonise Muslim and the terrorist threats they present – as they’d be no threat to us if we weren’t a threat to them.

A final poignant notion is that we should henceforth, if not sooner, stop handing out shed loads of money to basket case Third World nations - as we have now become one ourselves.
(£1.6 zillion was doled out to the EUSSR’s department for Graft & Corruption to distribute to poor countries, with a further £1.3 zillion spent on reducing poverty in Asia - the continent that has seen the largest surge in economic growth in the past decade - with nary a single red cent committed to reducing poverty in Britain).

Regardless of their 13 years of financial mismanagement, Labour's final do-or-die spending spree cost the public purse £1.3 trillion even as the economy was sinking faster than the Titanic – footing insane projects and paying bills that included £50 million quid to promote ballet and music, £5.6 million for pensions for the Royal Hangers-On Club and £38.4 million for pikey camping grounds.

Rallying their support for the Patriots’ proposed budget agenda, the ‘Anarchy First UK’ group actually transgressed the unwritten protocol of daring to suggest that the Libservative coalition government set a good example to the rest of the nation’s populace by imposing not only a pay freeze but also a 50% salary cut on their own bloated annual wage packets - which in the middle of this recession MPs are costing us £178 million in salary and expenses.
So, is that proposal likely to be taken up? Hmmm, is Hell likely to freeze over?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.