BP Slaps Media Blackout on Oil Disaster

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The word’s on the street that several canards concerning BP’s sinister and conspiratorial cover-up of the extent of the Deepshit Horizon drilling rig disaster spewing oil into the Gulf of Mexico alike diarrhoea from a blue whale’s arsehole after a gut-full of vindaloo are now being supported by confirmed hearsay and rumours, third-hand tittle-tattle – plus lashings of buzz, gossip and Chinese whispers that this is manifesting as the biggest environmental fubar and wildlife mass extinction level event in the history of the Cosmos – and currently converting the once-pristine ecology of the Gulf of Mexico and the adjoining Caribbean Sea into the planet’s biggest tar pit – devoid of any form of sea life – above or below the waves – due the Brobdingnagian sub-sea oil plumes.

BP has now, justifiably, assumed top notch as the most hated company in America (giving AIPAC, Halliburton and Slackwater / XE a break) and remains headed by Tony Wayward - the most despised CEO in business – along with red oil-drenched herring Peter Scumland--the equally-despised outgoing Chairman of BP (who by a most conspicuous coincidence is also the current Chairman of Gold-in -Sacks International – who just happened to dump 44% of their corporate BP stock holdings just days before the oil rig was sabotaged – er – exploded - and – er - caught fire and er – started leaking zillions of barrels of nasty crude oil).

However, alike the outlaw rogue state of Israel and the 20/20 hindsight propaganda excuses concerning their barbaric, homicidal attack on the peaceful Gaza Freedom Flotilla, BP’s ‘systematic deceptions’ about the magnitude of the catastrophe, its conspiratorial secrecy and threats of reprisal against employees who speak the truth in public and the accompanying total media blockade against reporters seeking the basic facts, get ready for the mother of all political eruptions from the Tea Party clan now BP & Co have the US Coast Guard Service and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency yapping to their beck and call in promoting the mass snafu’s cover-up.

Further to this they have now wrangled and coerced the FAA into banning air traffic across the region that would otherwise reveal the full extent of the environmental impact and damage caused by the surface oil plumes – and their criminal liability as planetary polluters on a scale unknown in prior global history.

Regardless the total news blackout and arrests of anyone caught photographing and filming the devastation – or attempting to interview cleanup workers - indicate by default that the British Petroleum oil crisis – with Scalliburton dominating the clean up - is being criminally controlled, and now implicates some of Wall Street's heaviest kikester players.

Right there in the line up of the usual suspects stands Gold-in-Sacks – guilty by association due their pernicious influence over the major media news networks and their unholy alliance with the world's leading petrochemical-pharmaceutical-biotechnology- armaments consortiums – all profiting greatly from death, disease, military conflicts and environmental destruction.

Yet the best bit of this entire conspiracy theory exercise is that Peter Scumland, the man with one foot behind his Gold-in-Sack desk and the other on the burning Halliburton-BP oil rig, is his exalted position as the Consultor of the Extraordinary Section of the Administration of the Patrimony of the Apostolic See – aka - in plain and simple English - the chief financial adviser to Joey Ratflinger – better known as Pope Benny Mk XVI.

So, if the gospel according to Big Al Bore’s carbon credit cap n trade exchange regulations are to be observed then someone’s a wee bit overdrawn on the 'human emissions' / carbon footprint-credit side for this cataclysmic fubar – thus who’s picking up the tab? BP or their underwriters - or, yet again, the hapless taxpayers?

Who indeed – especially so when headlines such as “BP Poisons Gulf with Deadly Toxic ‘Coreshite’ Oil Dispersant” dominate the gutter press red top tabloid headlines from Arkansas to Moosejaw and Tokyo to Timbuktu.

Coreshite EC9500A is mainly comprised of hydrotreated light petroleum distillates, propylene glycol and a proprietary organic sulfonic acid salt. Propylene glycol is a chemical commonly used as a solvent to clean dried blood and instestines off Humvees in Afghanistan and Iraq. An organic sulfonic acid salt is a synthetic chemical detergent, such as that once used for washing the Space Shuttles until the heat resistant tiles started falling off.

So, is Coreshite safe to use? In short the answer is “No!” with a large Capital ‘N’. Coreshite is highly toxic to humans as well as marine life – about the same level as a cob of Plutonium 239 that’s been left out in the sun all day - with a radioactive half life of around 24,000 years.
The Federal Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has identified the 2-butoxyethanol in Coreshite to be a causal agent in the health problems experienced by cleanup workers after the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill of respiratory tumours, nervous system failure, plus chronic liver, kidney and blood disorders.

According to the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS), Coreshite 9500‘s “potential human health hazard rating is: High.” It can cause central nervous system depression; nausea; unconsciousness; liver, kidney damage; and red blood cell hemolysis with repeated or prolonged exposure through inhalation or ingestion.

There you have it – not the type of shit to go spraying on the patio while the rug rat’s crawling around – and President Barky O’Barmy’s on the goggle box telling us all not to worry and the Gulf coast fish and seafoods are still okay to eat?
Believe me, just take a quick sideways glance at some of the pelicans and cormorants they’re cleaning off with this crap – they might see Father’s Day but not Thanksgiving.

Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: During the posting of this message a further fifty zillion barrels of crude oil spewed out of the BP well into the once-pristine azure waters of the Gulf of Mexico causing a mass extinction level event of sea life – including fish, birds, corals etc.

Allergy warning: This article was written in an oil-infested area and may contain traces of unctuous brown hydrocarbon slime and festering political bullshit mixed with lashings of PR spin and given a final veneer coating of criminal conspiracy.

Thought for the day: If a cormorant gets enough oil on it will it stop squeaking?

Thought for tomorrow: Three weeks before the Deepshit Horizon ‘accident’ Scalliburton negotiated the hostile buyout of the world's largest oil-spill cleanup firm Boots & Coots at the exact time financial intelligence agents at Gold in Sacks unloaded 44% of their investment stock in BP – and then something conveniently went ‘BANG!’

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.