Channel Project Turns Neighbours into Snoops

In today’s Enhanced Bullshit edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Critics from the UK’s ‘Liberty or Die’ civil rights organisation are up in arms that the new Libservative government is displaying zero intent to abolish the controversial ‘Channel Project’ that was originally initiated to monitor juveniles who might be vulnerable to radicalisation and end up as suicide vest wearing anarchists with definite self-harming nihilistic tendencies.

Such would include the type of kids who’d get up in a morning with the sole intention of detonating their junior-sized Semtex waistcoats – or underpants – or shoes – in some crowded Jobcentre Plus branch while shouting ‘Allahu Akbar’ or “Fuck the EU’ or ‘Tiocfaidh ár lá’ or ‘Cymry am Byth’ or even ‘Bollocks to Murgatroyd’ – and making a nasty mess for the cleaners to mop up.

Dozens of immigrants around London’s Scumdale Oasis Hamlets, ranging from burkah-clad transvestite Pashtuns and Tajiks to Balkans- bred swan-roasting Pikeys - mainly aged between 5 and 16, have been reported to the local Plod Squad and then registered on the international / EUSSR terrorist database for having either extremist Islamic views, far-right leanings, even further far left leanings - and being Welsh nationalist Meibion Glyndwr (Sons of Glendower) or Irish Republican Army (Provisional IRA or Real IRA or False IRA) sympathisers.

One 9-year old schoolboy, born of mixed Irish-Pakistani parentage, Mohammed bin Murphy, became obsessed with dressing his Action Man toys in Arabic keffiyas and kitted his sister’s Barbie doll out with a make-believe plastercine boob job and suicide vest concealed under her pink see-through burkah.

Under the guidelines of the Channel Project , Mohammed’s school chums grassed him to the Community Enforcement Gestapo – following which he was picked up and tossed into the back of black Transit van by some hi-fiving Cro-Magnon types wearing donkey jackets and yarmulkes the following week while coming home from the chippy - and hasn’t been seen since.

Local law enforcement officers are investigating the verisimilitude surrounding a picture post card believed to be from Mohammed that was posted in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba which bears similarities to samples of his school exercise book handwriting.

Hence the scheme’s proponents point to this instance as the proof of its viability in removing potential extremist types from the EUSSR community arena before they become totally radicalised and a danger to our already dystopian Western civilisation (sic).

Police complete background checks on all individuals reported before a panel of consultants from Slackwater / XE’s Renta-Thug Agency meets to decide if any action needs to be taken.

Interventions can range from a simple chat, to a complex mentoring and counselling process – with ‘therapies and techniques’ ranging from simple MK-Ultra style brainwashing to water boarding sessions to knee-capping – and up to getting shoved on an extraordinary rendition flight to Kazakhstan and disapearing forever.

Inspector Ghengis McTwatt, the scheme's coordinator, has admitted the project is aimed to target those with 'extremist views'.
“We are looking at people who would not normally show up on our radar. In their behaviour they may not actually be doing anything wrong, but we have concerns about how they could develop – such as becoming Muslims or voting for the BNP.”

The Channel Project was initiated in the wake of the London tube train false flag bombings of 7/7/05 with the publicly-declared intention of combatting home-grown terrorism via existing community groups that were already identifying potential problem youngsters vulnerable to the attractions of violent extremism due watching the BBC’s Children’s Hour and playing video games such as the ultra-violent ‘Catholic Church Inquisition’.

Whereas in reality it was a political black propaganda move to cleave a deep cultural / sectarian chasm between the UK’s Anglo-Saxon lapsed Christian population and any foreign immigrant types – with the true purpose being to demonise Islam and its bomb-chucking Muslim adherents and thus gain public sympathy and backing for Tony Bliar’s illegal pro-Zionist wars of neo-colonial aggression across the Middle East.

Critics of the Channel Project say it encourages people to spy on their neighbours, but the Home Office claim the scheme's aim is to prevent 'vulnerable people' becoming radicalised.
Some instances include new neighbours behaving oddly, including keeping their curtains drawn or a vulnerable loner who suddenly received visitors carrying AK47 assault rifles to his back door after midnight and it definitely isn’t a couple of slappers from the local Rub n Tug Happy Ending Massage Salon doing a spot of 'cash-in-hand' overtime.

The sources of information include tip-offs coming from nosey parker / shit-stirring neighbours and people in public sector jobs including school dinner ladies, gulley suckers mate’s and wheelie bin recycling operatives.

One volunteer snoop for the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers charity, Mrs Hilda Bigott of Shitbag Terraces, Rochdale, a regular stoolie at her local plod shop, had her suspicions alerted concerning one Muslim neighbour receiving a series of late night deliveries from a 'person' dressed in a black burkah who drove a white van with Smegmadale Nuclear Waste Disposal on the side.

An ensuing MI5 investigation led to the arrest of wanted terrorist Mohammed Bilharzia – aka the Man from Rogan Josh – at a tribal Jirga in Bradford where scores of members of the Jolly Jihadi Club and the Septic Saracens were gathered in a radical conclave to discuss issuing a fatwa on Mr Patel, owner of the local corner shop newsagents, for renouncing the One True Faith and eating bacon sandwiches for breakfast.

Conversely Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, chairman of the British Council of Mosques, said it was a step too far. “People in our communities already know what their responsibilities are to the UK government and will report anything suspicious – such as a bomb going off.”

Are any of your neighbours sneaky looking twats? Have you seen your Muslim neighbours buying fertiliser or stocking up on cans of gasoline or LPG cylinders? Do they ever open the curtains?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a fortnight in one of Kazakhstan’s luxury extraordinary rendition centres with your own en-suite room overlooking the firing squad’s target range.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: Fuck the Channel Project and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.