Princess Witchiepoo Marries Peasant

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The commoner who got hitched to Sweden's Crown Princess Witchiepoo last weekend might well also have a claim to aristocratic roots, according to an article in this week’s Inbred Mutants Gazette.

Royal suitor Daniel Donkeydork has been mocked by Sweden’s gutter press throughout the courtship for his provincial roots, coarse manners and country yokel accent.
However he has since undergone careful grooming by courtiers ahead of his marriage to the Crown Princess Witchiepoo on June 19. Such included tuition in how to eat with a knife ‘and’ fork, how to use a handkerchief, how to wipe his arse on toilet tissue and not the bathroom mat – plus the strict observation of other such delicate protocols as not dragging his knuckles along the ground while walking upright, nor farting at the dining table, nor scratching one’s arse during the wedding ceremony - or hawking in public then spitting on the carpet.

Sweden's King Carl Gustaf XVI, the bride’s father, was reported to be initially hostile to the idea of his 32-year-old pointy-chinned slapper of a daughter marrying a penniless peasant and producing kids with mongrel genes but had his objections mollified by reports from the Crown Office genealogist Bjorn Burgersbunn that the 36-year-old former farm labourer has historic connections to both Swedish and Norwegian aristocracy.

Apparently Mr Donkeydork can count among his distant relatives members of parliament, courtiers, royal retainers, pikey swan poachers and firewood vendors.
One of Donkeydork's predecessors was a senior back scratcher at the court of the 17th century Swedish King Kuntt IX – plus he can trace lineage back to the aristocratic Quisling family - which means he is distantly related to Vidkunt Quisling, the traitorous Minister President of neighbouring Norway in the 1940’s.

Crown genealogist Burgersbunn explained to the Daily Shitraker "If you look at his ancestors as a whole, they're pretty much a typical lot. There are very few criminal convictions. Someone spent a night in the stocks for buggering a sheep in 1817 and another ancestor was convicted of witchcraft and being drunk in charge of a broomstick."
“Nowadays Donkeydork’s immediate family is of more ordinary standing - his father is a retired benefits cheat and his mother a former award-winning shoplifter.”

The Princess Witchiepoo herself attended the state Enskilda Gymnasiet in Stockholm, graduating in 1996. Following this, she studied Advanced Strapadicktomy for a year at France’s prestigious Institute de Saint Sapphie Dildodo.
During the years 1998–2000, the Princess resided in the United States, where she studied at Dykes University in Connecticut under the tutelage of the famous Russian pole dancer Tekem Orloff and her chief mentor Beverly Titwank – achieving honours degrees in ‘Three Hole Sex’, ‘Advanced Irrumatio’, ‘Interfemoral Masturbation’ and ‘Suck n Swallow Fellatio’.

While being described in European men’s ‘masturbation aid’ magazines as a bit of a two-bagger due her obvious congenital defects including the ‘mango chin’, regardless Witchiepoo is worth what banksters refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ and carries the title of Witchiepoo Victoria Ingrid Alice Désirée - Crown Princess of Sweden, Duchess of Västergötland – descended from the Royal House of Bernadotte, with a bloodline link to her Danish cousins Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of the House of Hamlet (A Hamlet being a type of gourmet bacon rasher from a very small pig) – hence the Swedish Royal Coat of Arms bearing the conspicuous tin of Spam on an azure background with an escutcheon featuring white and ginger tomcats rampant.

The Daily Shitraker’s Society pages article on the royal wedding concluded “With this bloodline link to the notorious Quisling family hence they are suitably related being cousins fourteen times removed – plus they are also related via marriage and or blood to every other royal lineage in Europe due their centuries of incessant interbreeding which continues to be responsible for the successive generations of hideous mutants they seem to produce as progeny. All in all, a well-suited couple.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.