Thursday, 3 June 2010

RIPA Laws Abused by Council Stasi Units

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (RIPA) 2001 are among those being used and abused by local council Stasi units across the UK according to a covert survey conducted by the Daily Shitraker.

The RIPA legislation, originally intended to combat terrorism and serious crime, unfortunately also provides councils as well as Plod Squads the right to place residents and businesses under surveillance, trace telephone and email accounts and even send staff on covert missions like packs of Ninjas, with privacy advocates and civil liberties critics claiming local authorities are using the authoratarian powers to impose on-the-spot fines and generate revenue from hapless residents.

Scumdale Hamlets council in south east London used RIPA powers to try to catch people leaving items outside charity shops. Officials first placed CCTV systems inside the windows of the Pox & Clap Research store and also the Window Lickers Foundation shop for ten days, then parked a covert ’homeless street person’ volunteer snoop from the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers organisation as a human intelligence source – who was eventually discovered frozen inside his cardboard box.

Despite the five week long investigation, no prosecutions followed. One council jobsworth told the Big Brother Gazette that leaving items outside the charity stores constituted fly-tipping, stating that among the items which had been left on previous occasions included envelopes stuffed with tenners, Chippendale furniture, Faberge eggs and Russian sable coats.

In Wankington, Smegmashire, council officials used RIPA powers to investigate whether Mustapha, an Afghan hound was an illegal immigrant and had terrorist connections after it was seen making a regular stop outside the local mosque to pee up the wall.

A joint council and RSPCA task force was set up with the unlikely code name of ‘Operation Give the Dog a Bone’ - then the animal was monitored and followed by a team of three council Community Enforcement Officers disguised as poodles in order to gather evidence. This unfortunately ended in a pantomime farce when Mustapha took a fancy to one of the ‘poodles’ and slipped it a stiff length ‘doggy fashion’.

Under the new EUSSR Control of Dogs Act 2010, owners can be fined up to £5,000 for failing to ensure their pet’s visas are valid and they do not engage in any type of subversive or terrorist activities that might threaten the Realm, or the reputations of Crufts and the Kennel Club..

The Daily Shitraker survey report has been released and published just two days after the new Libservative Coalition Government announced it would ban councils from using RIPA powers unless the investigations were signed off by a magistrate and were needed to tackle crime of a more serious nature than some 96-year old short-sighted Alzheimer’s–ridden Granny dumping cat litter in the incorrect wheelie bin.

The report reveals that 272 local authorities in England had used the RIPA within the past two years, on a total of 7,407 occasions.
Paranoid council jobsworths with Scumdale Hamlets received a complaint from one resident that a certain gentleman did not scoop the poop after his ‘big brown dog’ took its morning constitutional crap on the park.

To secure an arrest and conviction they used the RIPA to coerce the Ministry of Defence into retasking one of their infra-red Rhyolite spy satellites hovering over Afghanistan’s Bellend Province into a 24/7 geo-stationary orbit over the local park and obtain photographic evidence of this henous crime - which fell through when it was discovered the offending pooch was actually an untagged stray.

Several councils have used the Act to snoop on their own staff. Smegmadale-on-Sea council used it to investigate and spy on their own whistle-blowing employees who were meeting with a reporter from the Graft & Corruption Gazette which had reported allegations that the incumbent kleptocrats were doing dirty deals with contractors via untendered bids.
Justifying the decision to use RIPA powers to monitor its own staff Community Enforcement Officer Hillary Shagrat told the Judge trying her case "We acted in the belief we were protecting the Council's interests – until the police arrested the effin’ lot of them fer embezzlement.”

Hilda Titwank, a spokeswoman for the Local Government Association informed hacks from the red top tabloid gutter press "We do recognise there are concerns over the use of surveillance powers by councils and all public authorities that use them do have a responsibility to use them in a way that is acceptable to local people – by catching them breaking council regulations and slapping them with hefty fines.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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