School Discipline Relies on NHS Shitalin

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s National Ill-Health Service has fallen head over heels – perhaps intentionally – into the Problem-Reaction-Solution pitfall and is reported to be spending £££ zillions of quid per annum on Big Pharma’s 'chemical cosh' drugs to supress hyperactivity – and a legion of other psychiatric behavioural problems manifesting their presence in schoolkids alike Catholic archetype demonic possession.

We now have a roller coaster scenario where 750,000 prescriptions are being doled out every year for Shitalin and similar tranquiliser drugs - most of them to school children under the age of sixteen – and starting as young as five.

The surge triggered concerns that children are being unnecessarily drugged as poor discipline is increasingly seen as a medical issue and not a failing on the part of schools and teachers – and parents – or that great blame-all punchbag ‘society in general’.

However, when parents and teachers alike can get charged with GBH for giving stroppy yobs a clout round the back of the head for offences that once carried a mandatory sentence of transmigratory exile to the Antipodes – or the death penalty - then what does society expect – so they put the scally twats on tranquilisers. Bollocks to curing the problem – just provide a stop-gap solution and boost Big Pharma’s already burgeoning profits.

Some of the most common drugs now routinely used to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) which is characterised by disruptive behaviour, impulsiveness and difficulties focusing on specific tasks – such as wiping their own arse, nose-picking, masturbation and shoplifting.
These are all synthetic drugs based on methylphenidate (Shitalin), atomoxetine (Fuckitall) and dexamfetamine (Poxalot).

Professor Ghengis McTwatt, a sociology specialist from Smegmadale University and author of the best-selling ‘Kick Some Yob Ass’ told one reporter from the Corporal Punishment Gazette 'Parents might be glad to get rid of their kids throughout the day but teachers are at a loss about how to manage their Asbo classroom behaviour, so they medicalise it before they have to beat pupils half to death with whatever classroom weapons are handy and within reach – like claw hammers or pickaxe shafts – or 3 kilo science balance weights.'

“In my opinion the medication should be thrown out of the window – and classroom misfits straight after it – preferably from the fouth floor or higher. Forget all this namby-pamby do-gooder sociology bullshit – bring back the birch and thumbscrews – that’ll get their attentions focused.”

Conversely Dr Fellattia van der Gammer of the Scally Labs Research Centre claims “It’s the diet these youngsters are on – full of crap junk foods. Five-a-day to them is how many wanks they have – or biftas they smoke – or bottles of WKD or Meths Breezers - and nothing to do with sensible eating. They just stuff themselves with genetically modified crap and poison their systems with soft drinks and candies loaded with artificial sweetners like the toxic aspartame. It’s no wonder they’re all hyper and squirly.”

Dr Chlamydia Mingerot, an education researcher at the University of Scumborough, told Pox News 'You can't do a blood test to check whether the kids have ADHD - it's diagnosed through a behavioural checklist which the subject has to complete themsleves – but they normally rip it up or eat it halfway through the process.”

“We realise a great many children have genuine difficulties, and some of these are biological due them being brain damaged while in the womb by what their moronic mothers were drinking and snorting. However most are social and cultural in origin and stem from living on Sink or Swim council estates and having Asbo alkies for parents.'

Thus with the Columbine High School would-be nihilists in 1999. Teenagers Eric and Dylan, drugged up to the eyeballs on a cocktail of Fuckitall, Shitalin and Poxalot – and clamouring for their Andy Warhol- vaunted fifteen minutes of world fame - blasted their way through the Colorado institute of learning like Rambo and a squad of Slackwater / XE psychopaths from Renta-Thug – then snuffed each other. Now that shows A-grade misanthropic commitment.

The ‘Going Postal’ shootings, now a regular occurrence around US educational facilities, resulted in an increased emphasis on school security, and a headless chicken moral panic aimed at Gothism, social outcasts, the gun culture, the use of pharmaceutical anti-depressants by teenagers, violent films and music, internet use and hawkish video games inspiring agression and a lack of moral empathy.

But when the social engineering pundits and clinical psychiatrists get their heads together it’s not to solve the problem but medicate it out of existence – then when some hapless 14-year old kid with the preposterous moniker of Asa H. Coon goes literally ‘ballistic’ at the SuccessTech Academy in Cleveland, Ohio in 2007 the final post mortem of his murderous rampage determined that his behaviour was a direct result of an addiction to playing the violent Saint’s Row video game and the fact his mother never breast fed him.

Do you live on a Sink or Swim council estate? Are your kids studying at Asbo Central High School? Do they take Shitalin, Poxalot or Fuckitall? Did you breast feed your budding homicidal offspring? Do you waste your time going around hugging hoodies and other assorted scally twats and teenage crim’s when the sensible solution would be to relax our gun laws and declare open season on the effing lot?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win an all-expenses vacation at a mental institute near you, a free ‘Director’s Cut’ copy of the super-violent ‘Call of Duty – Modern Warfare 2’ - and a year’s supply of high-potency Fuckitall.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and address so gangs of disaffected and marginalised kids can come round and set fire to your house.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No school teachers or pupils, security guards, PTA staff, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Pharma and all their psychotropic nasties.