Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Bin Laden Gets BA Frequent Flyer Award

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

British Airways, the UK’s national carrier that offers a perennially-hapless public the greatest discomfort and inconvenience at the highest prices, has apologised for a screw-up of Biblical proportions after a photograph in their High Life in-flight magazine showed a frequent flyer boarding pass in the name of Osama bin Laden.

The image appeared on the front page of the magazine and was meant to promote the benefits of online check-in procedures doing away with the necessity to queue for a boarding pass.
It showed a bearded passenger in a typical black Afghan pajj (turban) with an AK47 slung over his shoulder and holding up an iPhone displaying his boarding pass in the name Osama bin Laden – First Class seat 04-C.

BA spokesman Ms Chlamydia Titwank conveyed the official company apology to the media, stating "A mistake was made and we are working to find out who the fuck in our magazine printing department is involved with the current strike actions and thinks a spot of subversive activity is going to get them anywhere – apart from a good kicking off security and their arse fired."

The latest front page displays a rather disgruntled non-techie passenger arriving at a BA check-in counter to join the mile-long queue while another heavily-bearded individual dressed in a combat jacket with Al Qaeda insignia on the shoulders holds up his iPhone showing a virtual boarding pass bearing the name Osama bin Laden – First Class seat 04-C – and walks straight through the security screening and on board the waiting aircraft hassle-free.

The magazine’s front cover photo advert and accompanying inside page text article classes the world's most wanted terrorist and leader of al-Qaeda as a "frequent flyer", and his seat number places him right at the front of the plane in First Class.
Further, the boarding pass has him flying on the 26th June 2010 to an unspecified destination – quite probably Afghanistan – to attend the scheduled high level jirga with the Taliban chiefs and tribal leaders in Bellend Province.

BA further apologised for the error on its Twatter feed after being alerted to the image by other users of the social networking site who linked it to BA’s website and Osama bin Laden’s personal Facebook homepage.

Media inquiries concerning the BA High Life magazine ad’ to the British MI6 security service have elicited the response that they are now aware of such and will have agents in place aboard the 26th June flights BA 257 and connecting IC 843 to Kabul.

However the secret service agency were unsure as to whether their people would be flying First Class – or checking in online and using the hassle-free iPhone boarding pass display option – or joining the customary long queue.

So, to further piss on BA’s now-smouldering bonfire a report released this week by the air travel industry journal ‘Itchy Feet’ claims that passengers travelling with major airlines experience the most baggage problems when flying with British Airways – with one in three BA passengers during the past year claiming to have experiencing the old Concorde advert syndrome: Breakfast in London – Lunch in New York – Baggage in Bahrain.

Allergy warning: Aside from the lost baggage parody which is wholly true, the rest of this article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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