Sunday, 6 June 2010

Tippsy Bore Gives Fat Al the Elbow

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former US Vice President Al Bore and his wife Tippsy are splitting up after 40 years of marriage.
Ms Sapphie Dildodo, a spokeswoman for Mrs Bore, informed one journalist from the Scandalmongers Gazette “Hey, Tippsy’s been with this slob for forty years now – without parole or time off for good behaviour. Even murderers get out after twenty years, so she’s gonna grab some quality time for herself around the toy boy beaches of Acapulco and Hawaii before it’s too late.”

Big Al Bore came to the public’s attentions as Dodger Bill Clinton's vice president, and went on to win the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for his propaganda-laced fictitious work on the non-existent phenomenon now known as ‘Global Warming’- with his film ‘A Convenient Pile of Bullshit’.

Hmmm, winning a Nobel Prize for concocting one of the biggest scams since the Catholic Church invented the money-spinning control-freak’s dream – Christianity - proves itself to be a travesty and a celebration of all that is dark in humanity – even more so when the Kenyan cuckoo currently squatting in the White House – Barky O’Barmy – was awarded one for doing sweet fuck all – apart from committing another 40,000 US troops to reinforce the decimated ranks of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment already in Afghanistan - to provide further target practice for the Taliban – and stuffing for body bags.

In an e-mail to friends - with a copy sent off to Al himself - Tippsy explained that following long and careful consideration of her husband’s mental health issues – especially so his paranoid psychosis concerning ‘global warming’ when it’s obvious to every other fucker and their dog it’s getting colder – she was ‘opting out’ of the threadbare relationship while the going was good.

The e-mail continued: “Seriously it got to be a bit of an ‘Inconvenient Truth’ when it became public knowledge that Al’s carbon-neutral lifestyle involved us living in a 10,000-square-foot, 20-room, eight-bathroom home in Nashville, and a 4,000-square-foot home in Arlington, Virginia plus the upkeep of our third ‘holiday home' in Carthage, Tennessee.”

Apparently Tippsy got fed up of people whispering behind her back about ‘excessive consumption’ and calling her Mrs AGW - the Anthropogenic Greedy Witch - due her non-existent connections to Fat Al’s money-harvesting carbon credits cap n trade exchange when Bore’s own ‘Going Green’ effort involved travelling around the world in private Lear and Gulfstream executive jets and choppers and gas-guzzling 4 x 4 SUV’s.

Obviously, regardless of Bore’s apocalyptic views about the environment and rallying the planet to pursue a path of extreme personal sacrifice, requires little in the way of all-out effort and good example from himself. Hence Bore's hypocrisy manifests as a question of overall credibility.

Tippsy continued, telling Beverly Titwank from the Gigolo’s Review, “I had the Prime Minister of the Maldives ringing up at all hours and whingeing about how Al’s scare-mongering public lectures over rising sea levels has frightened off all their tourists who didn’t want to end up getting tsunamied or drowned when the tide came in.”
“Then I had to go and feed all the polar bears he’d got Sarah Palin to ship down from Alaska as a publicity stunt so they could live in out back garden and be saved from drowning. Those greedy bastards even ate my little pet Dachshund last week – and all the dopey penguins too.”

“Really, I'm just so fucking sick and tired of his hypocrisy and going on and on about this global warming scam Frankenstein monster he’s created to make us all lots and lots of money.”
“Hey, I ain’t got nothing against lots and lots of money but all I need is for him to get off his fat ass sometimes and mow the lawn and feed his own effing polar bears – and stop eating so many olives and peanuts as they make him fart like hell and it stinks.”
“Anyways, now he’s got my ‘carbon footprint’ right in the middle of his lardy ass.”

Tipper’s PPA Fellattia van der Gamm issued a press release this afternoon stating that the ex-Second Lady - well known for her active role in the Parents Music Resource Center and voicing strong opinions for the labelling of record covers of releases featuring profane language, especially in the heavy metal and rap genres – is planning on pursuing a personal crusade to ban the ‘Shitbag Records’ label ‘anarchy’ Number One chart-busting hit release by Tammy and the Tourettes - “Go Fuck a Pig, Obama”

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the global warming scam.

No comments: