Libservatives to Licence Gutter Press Hacks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Ministry of Propaganda & Scaremongering, in conjunction with the public communications regulatory board Sleazecom, is planning to license the ranks of media and press reporters to vet them for “good moral character” and ensure they’re credible and not sensationalist propaganda merchants out for the quick buck.

The Rt. Hon. Rigpole Twatwoddle, the Tory MP for Kuntsford in Smegmashire is pushing to introduce legislation that will regulate journalists reporting for the gutter press’s red top tabloids plus radio and TV stations, by licence alike CORGI-registered dog walkers, hospital nursing staff, driving instructors, dentists, massage parlour plum pullers and chimney sweeps.

Twatwoddle, a student of constitutional law, claims that members of the general peasantry who are able to read - and especially the dangerous ones that sometimes think for themselves - is being overwhelmed by an increasing number of media outlets–traditional, online and citizen-generated - and an even greater amount of misinformation.

“Accurate media sources are critically important to the functioning of our society,” Twatwoddle posted on his government weblog – further declaring that some reporters covering international and domestic issues didn’t know what they were talking about and working for publications he’d never heard of.
Hence he wants to install a process that might help the general public figure out which reporters and government press officers to trust.

Hey and why not too – especially so when we have our own government employing press spokespersons who are that moronic and incompetent they go round releasing fabricated fictitious media reports that a bunch of cave-dwelling Al Qaeda Jolly Jihadi Muslim terrorists hijacked a bunch of commercial aircraft on 9/11 and flew then into the WTC Twin Towers in New York – and another so accurately into the side of the Pentagon it only left a cruise missile sized hole.

Seriously we definitely require some form of official regulation on this score when it is obvious to every fucker and their dog that it had to have been the inside job work of an entity with the military and intelligence resources a sovereign nation state. One with the bare-faced blatant audacity to pull off such a stunt to remote control the planes into the buildings then detonate pre-planted thermite cutting charges and micro-nukes staged up the central steel core.
An organisation like the criminal enterprise that constitutes the rogue State of Israel and its Mossad mad dogs thus fits this bill nicely.

Yep, the superbly arrogant and manky Mossad - the type of chutzpah organisation that would have a bunch of hi-fiving kikester agents dancing on top of a white van while filming the Twin Towers come crashing down at freefall speed and congratulating each other on a job well done.

Hmmm, the self-same calibre of criminals that would purposely attack a flotilla of ships carrying a cargo of humanitarian aid for the besieged Gaza Strip while they were sailing across international waters and flying the sovereign flags of Turkey and Greece.

Hence we most definitely require a regulated press to control the asinine – if not criminally-liable dissemination of erroneous and concocted information passed off as news that is more at fiction – such as blaming the hapless Al Qaeda for Mossad’s misdeeds and issuing reports of dodgy dossiers concerning weapons of mass distraction in Iraq that resulted in the illegal invasion of the country – whereas accurate media reports would have scotched any such idea on the spot.

Once again this was instanced over the murder of international weapons inspector Dr David Kelly when his lifeless body was discovered in the Grassy Knoll Woods close to his Oxfordshire home and a totally inaccurate piece of fictitious journalism resulted in his death being reported as a ’suicide’ which cost the government a fortune in official enquiries by Lord Mutton and his official Whitewash & Coverups Commission.

Had there been one of MP Twatwoddle’s approved and licenced reporters on the scene then the truth would have been splashed across the headlines that night: “Weapons Inspector Murdered” and that would have been the end of the matter – not having it dragged out for months claiming he committed suicide simply because he couldn’t live with the fact he knew all about the illegal false flag nukes in the WTC 9/11 attacks and the micro-nuke buried in the monsoon drain outside the Sari Club in Bali that vapourised the 70-odd tourists who are unaccounted for to this very day - and the black market trade in weapons grade uranium and plutonium being run by the US and Israel globally.

So our heartfelt thanks to Mr Twatwoddle for his innovative regulation that could well ensure our news is not only fiction-free but also devoid of ‘Original Spin’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.