Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
According to a recent report in the Parasites Gazette, the Duke of Edinburgh has undergone a minor operation on the left side of his brain to treat a common condition that often manifests in arrogant aristocrats and causes chronic bad manners and outbursts of caustic sarcasm – demonstrated afresh when, just prior to surgery, he told Nurse Candida Muffrot “It’s this side of my bonce, dearie – so let’s not make a fuck of things.”
Prince Philip of the Hellenic Bankrupts dynasty was operated on for Galloping Rudeness Syndrome as a day patient at an undisclosed Harley Street veterinarian clinic last Friday (Dr Kostas Fuctifino - NVQ1 Canine Neurology).
The derisive prince, who will celebrate his 96th birthday in July, previously underwent surgery at Dr Kostas’ clinic last year for a wrist injury that affected the performance of his main wanking hand.
This occurred while Philip was covertly stationed on a wooded bank and engaged in a spot of twilight voyeurism at Dogger’s Woods - having a quick tug at his genitalia when he lost his footing and fell arse over tit down the steep slope, ending up in Plum Puller’s Brook with a sprained wrist and a fractured ego.
Since the self-gratification accident Philip has suffered wrist problems which embarrassment forced him to attribute to shaking hundreds of hands every year, but after an abortive attempt to give himself a pull while in the bath he confided to Her Majesty “Good grief Lizzie, old girl, I think I’m losing me bloody grip.”
Sir Darlston Ratwoddle, the Royal Physician, commented at the time that “This obviously presented a problem as it was the same hand the Prince uses to slap insolent peasants around the back of the head - and to wield his pickaxe shaft when pummelling foxes, badgers, hedgehogs and cormorants to death.”
At the annual Masonic banquet dinner of the Second Estate Parasites Club in Mayfair last night the normally discourteous Prince, renown for his bull-in-a-China shop brand of diplomacy and being a person that can be taken anywhere twice – the second time to apologise - stood out from his contemporary slack-jawed inbred mutant peers by no longer displaying the bad manners and brazen hubris customarily employed by privileged silver spoon aristocrats as they conduct their daily affairs amongst the ranks of lesser mortals.
This prompted Baron Slimeberger, publisher of the Spoiled Brats Gazette, to comment “Obviously Philip’s surgery worked and there is a cure for Galloping Rudeness Syndrome. I actually heard him say ‘Thank you’ to one waiter who served his poached platypus steak.”
Rumours that the Prince was overheard muttering to himself “Must give old Mohamed al Fayed a ring tomorrow and say sorry for the Pont de L’Alma Tunnel thingie,” have been vehemently denied by Buckingham Palace.
Do you ever mix with the landed gentry? Have you been insulted by Phil the Greek? Do you think he ever looks in a mirror and considers having those congenital Saxe-Coberg-Gotha bat ears fixed – like any normal human beings? Ever seen daughter Princess Anne? – the prognathous-jawed slut is possessed with such a set of prominent incisors and generally fucked-up dentistry all round that she’s fanged up to eat an apple through a tennis racket.
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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.
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