Monday, 23 March 2009

Rhubarbe’s Rabid Attack Bitch : HK Assault Charges Nixed

The wife of 125-year-old geriatric Zimbabwean President Robert Rhubarbe has been granted diplomatic immunity over an alleged mad dog attack against a British press photographer in Hong Kong.

Photographer Richard Thort-Nott says he suffered cuts and bruises after Mrs. DisGrace Rhubarabe head-butted then kicked and repeatedly punched him while wearing a conflict diamond-studded knuckle duster and Doc Martin riggers boots in January.

Thort-Nott, who was given anti-rabies shots due the savage venomous bites he received from Rhubarbe during the attack, was taking photos of the 99-year-old serial kleptomaniac and her daughter Slutsy Pickaninny near a luxury hotel for a report about her extravagant shopping blitz holiday in the Far East that was in stark contrast to the lifestyle of the people of Zimbabwe, according to an article on the African 'Basket Case Nations' website.

The alleged incident happened while Mrs Rhubarbe and her entourage of sycophants and elite Black Mumbo security guards were on a £25,000,000 seven-star Asian tour, reportedly paid for with US dollars looted by Minister of Nepotism, Gideon Gonads Rhubarbe, (no relation) from Harare’s central 'Jewel Bank' at a time of chronic poverty, a raging cholera epidemic and hyperinflation in their bankrupt country.

However, Chinese officials state DisGrace has been granted diplomatic immunity over the alleged rabid attack and it was Thort-Nott’s own fault he got mauled and savaged for taking pictures of her shopping for designer clothes and other useless tat and bling in an Imelda Marcos style ‘Shop til you Drop’ spendthrift extravaganza while her home country descended into financial chaos and starvation.

Fifty-two witnesses gave statements and police concluded there was sufficient evidence to prosecute, sources close to the investigation revealed.

But Hong Kong’s Justice Minister Han Ging Wel said last night: “My good friend DisGrace Rhubarbe is not liable to arrest or detention and enjoys immunity from criminal prosecution here after remitting a mutually-agreed 'facilitation fee'.”
The minister declined to discuss how much of a bribe Mrs. Rhubarbe had actually paid to get the charges quashed.

Mrs Rhubarbe, who married the 125-year-old Zimbabwean dictator in 1996 after his first wife was accidently shot while taking a bath, flew on to Dubai and her new Palm Island luxury residence, leaving daughter Slutsy Pickaninny (a Hong Kong student studying Shoplifting and Hedonistic Squandering) to caretake the family’s illicit diamond business and £6 million palatial mansion : Rhubarbe Castle at 18, Shan Tong Road in the New Territories Tai Po district.

Mrs. Rhubarbe, formerly a three minute round bare fists boxing pugilist from Bulawayo won sixty fights with knock-outs and became known as the Bulawayo Amazon Pigdog Bitch before being hired as Rhubarbe’s personal bodyguard and bed warmer.

A keen political observer, and participating in the global acquisitions markets, DisGrace has made a name for herself in ‘mining’ circles, touring the country and viewing white-owned farms, industrial properties and businesses then proclaiming that : “This is Mine”, “That’s Mine” and “That’s Mine too”, much to the chagrin of the actual dispossessed legitimate white, or black, owners.

Since the cholera epidemic took hold, DisGrace Rhubarbe prefers to stay well clear of the blighted Zimbabwe lest she catch something nasty or fall foul of an assassination plot.
While more than seven million people are starving back home DisGrace strolls around the world’s capitals most exclusive boutiques, the plight of the hungry and dying the last thing on her warped mind.

Concealing her bloodshot snake eyes behind £180 Christian Dior sunglasses and with a £25,000 diamond-encrusted knuckle duster hanging off her wrist, the First Lady of Zimbabwe spends all day doing what she does best - shopping.

She recently had the Zimbabwe national anthem changed from ‘Simudzai mureza wedu weZimbabwe’ to the popular German folk song composed by Friedrich-Wilhelm Möller : “I love to go a’ Squandering” to blatantly celebrate her shopaholic addiction.

After a gruelling day of shopping for personal sex toys and thumping impudent paparazzi around Paris earlier this week, DisGrace devours, cannibal-fashion, a £150 appetizer of monkey's testicles and avocado, followed by tender fillets of crocodile steak marinated in dissident’s blood.
She and her geriatric husband then retired to their £10,000-a-night, 33-room suite at the Plaza-Athenee, while back at home poverty-stricken peasant families queued for meager supplies of bread, cooking oil and second-hand toilet paper.

DisGrace, who at 99 is 26 years younger than her deranged despotic husband, has come to represent everything that is wrong with Rhubarbe's tyrannical regime.

Southern Africa's answer to Imelda Marcos, she is known in Zimbabwe as The First Shopper, a woman who has spent £200 million on jet fuel, flying around on her foreign shopping trips, millions more on a pathetic sprawling personal theme park dubbed DisGracelands, and an executive jet once owned by Playboy tycoon Hugh Hefner, still staffed by centrepage models to join in her airborne black-on-white lesbian sex orgies.

Asked by one reckless reporter recently how she justified travelling to Europe to spend thousands of dollars on Ferragamo shoes while her people starved, she replied simply, in practiced diplomatic fashion: “Fuck off honky or I break your scrawny white trash neck."

Her words speak volumes about a country where nepotism and corruption are obliterating what was once a thriving economy before Black Power took over from the patron white administration that had originally developed the country’s haphazard agriculture and sprawls of nomadic warring tribes into cohesive and progressive social infrastructures.

DisGrace is happy to enforce her husband's land reform policy for her own gain - she seized a farm after throwing out its elderly white residents last year - and her influence over him is legendary with many claiming she is a witch and has cast a spell over the doddering senile dictator to create a ruling dynasty.

No one knows what happened to DisGrace's first husband or her gaggle of children, who conveniently disappeared off the scene around the same time as the first Mrs. Rhubarbe - Sally - got snuffed.

Granted special dispensation from the Vatican to remarry in DisGrace’s favoured Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster after having the opposing Bishop of Harare and his choirboys nailed to a tree, the couple married in 1996, in the lavish Busby Berkley style that was to become their trademark of opulent spendthrift waste and has brought the country to its current ‘Circus without a Tent’ basket case status.

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