Friday, 13 March 2009

Global Recession Hits Rich & Shameless

The global financial crisis is taking its toll on the world's richest people, wiping - quote: 'thousands of names off Forbes magazine's "rich list" of the world’s Trillionaires and Billionaires.

Poverty-stricken homeless people and unemployed stockbroker / banker types are celebrating today’s announcement as Forbes points the fickle finger of Fate at the disenfranchised super-rich scumbags.

Just 13 people can now lay claim to a place on the ‘Trillionaire’ list, but they too have on average lost 27% of their wealth and are all the controlling heads of the world’s ruling Illuminati Freemason families and depending heavily on the April income from international drugs, council tax, money laundering, pseudo-charity donations, tax swindles and arms deals to pay for their next monkey gland essence injections at the Mengele Longevity Clinic in Switzerland.

The stock market collapse however helped Microslop founder Bill Goats regain the top ‘Billionaire’ spot. Despite his wealth declining $18bn to a mere US $40 billion the comparative knock-on effect has totally devastated his competition to the lowly ranks of millionaires.

Top investor Ms. Sally Muffett’s fortune declined by $25bn to $37 billion since the scandalous ‘Spider, Curds & Whey’ stock raid incident last year.
In 2008 Ms. Muffett had managed to end Bill Goat’s reign at the top as shares in her Belchshire Twataway derivatives company surged to a record of $150,000 per share due her investments in old rope futures, just before Forbes formulated its 2008 ultra-rich list and the shit hit the fan.

Indian businessman Nabob Ramjamfull suffered the biggest reversal of fortunes, slipping to number 184 on the ‘Billionaire’ list from number 6 last year, as his net worth sank by $31.9bn to $10.1billion over the past 12 months due hedonistic squandering on his personal Raj-era Delhi palace, online gambling losses and the pan-India outbreaks of Mad Sacred Cow disease.

The declining health of the world economy meant that to make the top 20 on the Forbes rich list this year a net worth of just $14 billion was needed - compared with $21 billion in 2008, $652 at the time of the Spanish Armada, and only four silver groats when the Domesday Book was compiled by William the Conqueror’s senechals in 1086 AD. (original out of print due redundancies of monastery duplicating personnel – check E-bay / Amazon or Waterstones’ basement sell-off crap for second-hand copy)

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