Friday, 13 March 2009

Canucks Escape Prison with Nail Clippers

Sixty male prisoners in Canada used a pair of false teeth, nail clippers and other makeshift instruments to break out of the Legoland Penitentiary at Vagina Creek in Saskatchewan.

While fellow inmates diverted the guard’s attentions by providing blowjobs and anal stimulation, the prisoners were able to dig through an inner wall of armoured cardboard and the outer cladding of Lego blocks, which they then scaled to escape.

They were later recaptured after turning up, en mass, at a branch of JobcentrePlus in Calgary, Alberta, wishing to sign on for unemployment benefit.
Security guards at the job centre recognised their prison issue dresses and seamed nylons, and alerted police authorities.

The escapees told reporters they never expected to get away with it but the work gave them something to do instead of being locked up all day playing with themselves – or each other.

A government report has made more than 20 recommendations to improve security at the Vagina Creek prison in Saskatchewan when it was discovered the walls were the remains of the original Legoland theme park structure that had been reinforced with cardboard and painted to resemble bricks.

The sixty prisoners, composed of mass murderers, cormorant rapists, arsonists, and serial kleptomaniacs used a set of false teeth to chew through the cardboard wall then modified nail clippers and other manicure instruments to remove a heating grill and snip away at the Lego blocks until they were able to slip through the breached gap.

The inmates lowered themselves to the ground using the tied and knotted intestines of two prison guards they’d disembowelled earlier as rappelling ropes.

"We didn't think we’d get away with it," one prisoner convicted of aggravated duck buggery told reporters from the Jailbreak Gazette.
"One of the guys started chewing at a damp patch on his cell wall and realised it was only cardboard, so we started working on it.”
”It was something to do to kill the boredom and we just kept at it. When we didn't get caught, we picked our night and just fucked off.”

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