Monday, 30 March 2009

Expenses Scandal Sweeps Parliament Anew

The New Labour politician with the highest expenses claim of any MP in history has denied he is cheating taxpayers by claiming a second-home allowance while maintaining that his main residences are a single-bedroom schoolhouse and seaside caravan 700 miles from his constituency.

Defiant Left-winger Harold Greedygit told reporters from the Grasping Twats Review “When MPs were given this allowance they were told "Go and spend it, boys" and that is what I have done. It is my right and the whingeing British taxpayer can kiss my fat hairy arse. Anyone saying otherwise is an anti-Semite and a Holohoax denier– so watch out.”

His comments come as the Sunday Shitraker launches a petition to demand a full enquiry into MPs' expenses, to report within three months and NOT after the general election as is currently suggested by Gordon Brown – the prime minister nobody voted for.

Mr Greedygit has claimed every single penny of the maximum £104,701 in House of Conmans expenses in the past five years for his £375,000 property in his Greedford constituency in East London, on the basis that it is his 'second home'.

Astonishingly Greedygit had the barefaced audacity to admit he’s claimed the full second-home allowance since 1990 which means he has pocketed millions of pounds of taxpayers funds: believed to be the largest amount ever claimed by any MP.

Yet he declares on his New Labour website that he and wife Slugsy 'live' in Greedford and 'spend weekends at their static caravan' on Grasping Twat’s Island, an unspoilt stretch of the East Avarice coastline.

Hence if his real main residence is the Greedford house, it means his House of Conmans allowance has funded a holiday home completely unconnected with either his parliamentary or constituency duties.

The couple also own a quaint one-bedroom former schoolhouse in Cuntchester, 20 minutes away, providing them with an ideal 'twin holiday centre' for weekends and summer.

Avarice Island is full of second homes and Mrs Greedygit said there were big advantages to having another home away from her husband's constituency.
'We can claim expenses for being in Cuntchester and no one knows where we are really,' she joked to gobsmacked reporters.

House of Conmans rules for the second-home allowance are very clear: you cannot claim the money for your main home 'where you spend more nights than any other'.
By his own admission, Mr Greedygit spends most nights in London. He would therefore be unable to claim expenses for his Cuntchester home because it has no connection with his political duties, either in his constituency or at Westminster.

Mr Greedygit tops the Conmans expenses league after last week's row over the housing claims of Unemployment Minister Tony McNumpty, a fellow London New Labour sleazbag.
McNumpty was under fresh pressure last night over the £60,000 expenses he claimed for a garden shed at his parents' home at Skidrow-on-Sea - as he registered for the 2009 electoral roll there, even though he now admits he lives permanently in nearby Gluttonsworth with his transvestite partner, Ofsted chief, Feral Beryl McTwat.

While McNumpty denies any wrongdoing, making a false declaration on the electoral roll is a crime with a maximum penalty of £5 or two hours community service in the House of Conmans canteen cleaning up the crumbs and gravy stains left from John Prescott’s lunchtime face-feeding frenzies.

Greedygit is one of three MPs who claim for 'second homes' in London while maintaining other homes by the sea, far from their constituencies – with one blatant Tory example claiming expenses for a second home in Jamaica.

Whatever happened to ‘Pro Bono’? While we don’t expect them to work for nowt - how about fair pay for a fair day’s work – as they expect from the landless peasants they’re supposed to represent – and don’t milk the public coffers dry. Is it any wonder the country’s bankrupt – morally and financially.

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