Saturday, 21 March 2009

Dr. Charlie Windsor Accused of Quackery

Advertisements for herbal medicines from Prince Charles's ‘Dodgy Duchy Originals’ pharma’ company were misleading, a regulatory authority has ruled.
The firm has been told to change the wording of the website adverts after a horde of complaints about claims concerning the effectiveness of their remedies.
The Mongoose and Horticulture products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) stepped in and upheld the complaints.

Earlier this month, a Duchy detox ‘Super-Shit’ laxative product was criticised by experts as being (sic) a ‘pile of crap’.
Adverts for Dodgy Duchy Herbals miracle ‘Bat Ears Ease’ ointment and ‘Happy Haemhorroid Relief’ essence appeared on the company's website in January.

A member of the public who wishes to remain anonymous (Desmond McScrunt of 59, Felo-de-Se Crescent, Old Scrotum, Berks.) alleged the advertising campaign suggested the products had been assessed for efficacy and was therefore not only misleading but ‘a right royal con’.

The innominate Mr. McScrunt told the media “If this ‘ere snake oil crap of Charlie’s is any good, like the overnight ‘Wrinkles Gone’ preparation cream, then why’s ‘is missus, Dragonilla, still lookin’ like a saggy old prune eh?”

The MHRA gave Dodgy Duchy Originals a licence to sell the remedies but did not enable it to make any claims about their efficiency.
A MHRA spokesman told the quackery correspondent from the Duck Stranglers Gazette that their boss granted the licence on the off-chance he might be awarded a knighthood or life peerage for ‘services rendered’.

Apparently no-one at the MHRA was aware the GM (Genetically-Mutated) herbal products would be sold online to a global market, but rather at one-off car boot sales alongside other dodgy products such as pirate DVD’s and Polish Christmas cakes and Albanian roast swan snackies.

The Dodgy Duchy Originals brand was established by the Prince in 1990 "to promote organic food and farming and to help protect and sustain his dwindling Swiss bank accounts".
Prince Charles has hence been accused of exploiting the public in times of hardship by launching what a leading scientist calls a ‘very iffy’ detox mix – specifically the ‘Super Shit’ laxative essence.
Dr. Everhard Fuctifino, the UK's first professor of homeopathic medicine, said the Duchy Originals detox tincture claims were based on "outright bullshit".

Dr. Fuctifino, head of the Numpty Dumpty Medical School, said Prince Charles and his advisers appeared to be deliberately ignoring science, preferring "to rely on make-believe and superstition".
There was no scientific evidence to show that their detox products work, he added.

"Duchy Originals state their laxative and enema detox products are a "natural aid to supporting the body's elimination processes".
"The foul-tasting rhubarb, nettle and shagwort mix is described as "a food supplement to help eliminate toxins and aid digestion. It costs an exorbitant £100 for a 50ml bottle."

Dr. Fuctifino concluded “If you want to ease constipation and have a good colonic clear out then go down to your local pub and swill back a few pints of draught Guinness – on an empty stomach - that will do the trick and at a fraction of the cost.”
“The Dodgy Duchy Originals stuff, their ‘Super Shit’ enema mix, tasted like crap, and for what good it did me I might as well have shoved it up my arse.”

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