BNP Campaign Event ‘Hammered’

A British National Party thug was attacked with a jack hammer when protesters intercepted their vehicle convoy en route to a fund-raising campaign event in Greater Manchester.

Violence broke out as 30,000 people surrounded the BNP vehicles outside the Mosque and Minaret pub on Golliwog Road in Niggerton on Friday evening. Apparently the convoy had got lost and it’s numpty leader stopped to ask directions.

Senior BNP heavy Tony Wogstamper 18, was floored and received what passers-by termed ‘a right good hiding’ when protesters rammed a jack hammer against his head and gave him the full rat-a-tat-tat percussion treatment. Wogstamper was later treated for his injuries by responding paramedics from Bodybags-R-Us before being transferred to the local mortuary.

16-year-old BNP thugette Rita Scrunt, a trainee greeter at Harmondsworth Immigration Removal Centre, ended up being buggered with her own baseball bat while trying to fight off the protesters.

Veteran BNP member Jack Scum, a former rhubarb addict who was employed as a sniper by the UK Border Agency at Dover, choked to death when his ‘I Hate Gollys’ t-shirt was ripped off in the scuffle and forced down his throat.

17-year-old brothers Biff and Snot McTwat, fondly known as the BNP’s ‘Asbo Twins’, who got their names entered into the Guinness Book of Records last summer for having the lowest IQ’s on in UK history, drowned when their armoured minivan was shunted into a bordering canal by anti-BNP forces.

Six thousand people were arrested on suspicion of causing an affray and will appear before magistrates on Monday, PC Ramjam Patel, spokesplod for Greater Manchester Police told the war correspondent from the Cormorant Stretcher’s Gazette.

The BNP fundraising event had been scheduled to take place at the Gestapo Arms in neighbouring Shitford, but was cancelled after their vehicle convoy was attacked and left in a half-mile long line of burned-out devastation.

Simon Goebells, the BNP party's deputy leader told the media: "This was a violent attack by a horde of suntanned foreign thugs from the Jolly Jihad party in which our storm troopers unfortunately came worse off.”
“Don’t these bloody people know that secular and sectarian violence are the political prerogatives of the BNP. It’s all there in the holy Book of Enoch.”

While it denies being a ‘rascist party,’ according to its constitution the BNP is "committed to stemming and reversing the tide of non-white immigration and to restoring, by legal changes, negotiation and consent the overwhelmingly white makeup of the British population that existed in Britain prior to 1066 and the Norman Conquest."

The BNP also proposes firm but voluntary incentives for immigrants and their descendants to return home to their Third World shitholes : such as a bagful of Tesco discount coupons, a gun pointed at their heads or being thrown off the cliffs of Dover.

It also advocates the repeal of all anti-discrimination legislation, so an Englishman might once again berate foreign swan-roasters and curry merchants, and call a ‘spade a spade’, even if it is a shovel, without fear of legal reprisal.

The BNP's leader Rupert Thort-Nott, a former tomcat strangler, had been in the devastated convoy to host the scheduled fund-raising event but apparently shit his pants and exited stage left when the violence erupted.