Friday, 6 March 2009

QE 2 ‘Not Amused’ She’s Anti-Christ’s Granny

Queen Elizabeth II recently informed the court reporter from the Peasant’s Gazette in a candid aside she was ‘not amused’ that the conspiracy theory media networks were now labelling her grandson, Prince William, as the coming Anti-Christ.
“It’s simply not on, their tilting at windmills like this,” Lizzie declared, spitting out a wad of chewing tobacco and lighting a fresh Benson & Hedges king-sized.

“His little ginger minga twat of a brother, Harry, the royal cuckoo, might well be, but not our Willy,” HRH proclaimed, banging the floor with her serf flogging stick for emphasis.

“It was bad enough when the bonkers brigade pointed at Charlie as the coming Anti-Christ by interpreting his coat of arms to contain every attribute of Revelation’s Beast. Poor Charlie, he’s too thick and lethargic for anything more than pottering around the garden with that gorgon harpy Camilla he’s got himself shacked up with.”

“Now these morons are speculating Wills could adopt his Dad’s heraldic arms as his own and ‘hey presto’, he’s the new Anti-Christ. Bleeding commoners, they’re so effing stupid.”

The new book which Revelations conspiracy theorists are quoting, and which caused the Queen to spit the royal dummy, is by the Italian ex-Jesuit religious iconoclast author Taco Peccadildo, whose last work sold more copies than the one before it.
In his latest book he claims the current pontiff, Pope Benny the 16th, formerly Joseph Ratflinger, a German-born ex-Nazi, will be the last to wear the ring of the fisherman and will surrender the church to Prince William when he is crowned King of the World on his throne in the re-built Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem, in 2015.

Revelations conspiracy theorists claim Prince William will become the Ruler of the World in 2015, when he reaches the age of 33, which bears symbolic significance to their argument as he will then be a 33rd Degree Freemason.

They further claim his mother, Diana, belonging to the royal Stuart household, traces her bloodline back to the Merovingian kings and hence to King David of Israel, and thus Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

Prince Charles’ bloodline is reputed to also trace back to the royal house of David, and beyond, to the Annunaki rulers of the pre-Deluge ancient world of Atlantis and Lemuria, with the origins of the bloodline reputedly coming to Earth from the Draco star system.

Hence, they conclude, Wills comes directly from the lineage of the Reptilian kings of Draco and the Fertile Crescent, thereby qualifying him to be accepted by the Jewish Rabbi's as their Messiah. But He also holds lineage to the Israeli tribe of Desperate Dan and the Cainites, tying him directly to the fallen angel Satan and qualifying him as the false messiah / Anti-Christ.

With speculation being directed at the fact he will induct 72 Moslem houris into his harem as wives when crowned King, he will thus be automatically accepted by the Imams of pan-Islam as their long-awaited Mahdi.

The conspiracy gang claim further ‘concrete’ evidence is presented by the fact Wills had an RFID micro chip implant in his hand on 6 March 1966 – hence the 666 aspect is, in their logic flow, proven – done and dusted.

Prince Wills well-publicized news photo holding a lamb is thought to be Masonically-inspired and symbolic of Jesus and the Lamb of God, but with a Satanic undertone as he is holding up to the camera the lamb’s cloven hoof, which the conspiracy gang claim is conclusive evidence he is the Anti-Christ.

Sceptics point out the photo simply indicates Prince William likes young, cuddly lambs, alike many of his sheep-shagging ancestors.

William’s arrogant curmudgeon of a grandfather, Prince Philip of Athens, told reporters outside Spiro’s Kebab shop last night, while downing a greasy donner and a bottle of ouzo, that he hoped Wills was the Anti-Christ and solved the world’s over-population problems by exterminating all the useless eaters.

Phil the Greek watchers might well recall his statement some years ago regarding reincarnation, when he publicly stated that : “In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.”

Thank you, Philip. Coming from someone who’s been an absolute Parasite all his life, then that’s a gem.

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