Famous Names Promote Panty-Pissing Charity

High profile political, business and entertainment celebrity names can help raise awareness of a disease or condition, and bring it under the spotlight.
This worked so well with the 2006 publicity drive to raise donations for the leprosy charity ‘Rot-on Tommy’ that the Wellbeing of Women’s aid organisation ‘Panty Pissers’ has been recruiting household name public figures to promote their incontinence cause, with several being actual sufferers themselves.

In the first of a video series the 41-year-old TV presenter and celebrity slapper Ulrika Jonsson talks candidly about how she pisses her pants on a regular daily basis and is apt to shit herself whenever she sneezes, which can prove a mite embarrassing while swimming at the local Total Fitness branch or engaging – topside – in a heavy 69 oral sex session. (Ref. Sven-Goran Erikkson’s autobiography – page 94 – “Ulrika shit on me” quote)

In the video Ms. Jonsson talks candidly about her adult incontinence which she has suffered from since the birth of her thirteenth child and the ensuing prolapse of her vaginal muscles and anal sphincter.
By sharing her experiences of pissing and crapping her pants in public she hopes to help reduce the stigma and embarrassment regarding this normally guarded subject.

The condition is linked not only to childbirth, but also to the menopause, which results in a loss of hormones that play an essential role in keeping the muscles strong and elastic. It is also a condition that specifically targets women with a penchant for taking it up the rear passage and also shirt-lifting gay cottagers.

Pelvic floor exercises can be used to improve both bladder and anal sphincter control. The pelvic floor is a "hammock" of muscles which support the bowel and bladder.
The exercises, practiced for centuries by teenage females in the Orient to enhance their vaginal grip during intercourse, involve clenching the muscles you would use to prevent yourself urinating – or shitting your pants. These can be performed while standing or sitting – and with a carrot shoved up the offending orifice for the muscles to grasp, if so desired.

A more drastic treatment is a weighted traffic cone which is held in the vagina to teach the pelvic floor muscles to contract.
Alternatively the Smegmadale-based Bladder and Bowel Clinic offer techniques as simple as wearing a urinary catheter fitted with a stopper and / or walking around with a butt plug jammed up one’s bum to resolve the problems of involuntary discharges.

Garden shed and motel heiress Paris Stilton recently admitted during a candid interview with the gynaecology correspondent of the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette that she had taken so much cock up her rear passage she now had anal haemorrhoids like a bunch of grapes and had a zip fitted to her ass to replace her prolapsed sphincter and prevent her bowels dropping out when she walked down the street.

Anyone with bladder or bowel problems can seek help from the non-profit Slack Bladder and Foul Bowel Foundation on 0845 245 0185.
Shitsford Healthcare NHS Trust also runs a 24/7helpline (01683 623730) for sufferers in its area. Calls might be recorded for training purposes and your details passed on to data harvesting companies for resale.

Do you piss and/or crap your pants every time you sneeze? Do you suffer from hay fever/pollen allergies? Do you take snuff for the condition? What are your experiences? Tell us about the funniest by entering our online ‘Shit Myself’ competition and you could win a year’s supply of geriatric diapers.

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