MP’s Expenses more Outrageous than Banker’s Bonuses

Unemployment minister Tony McNumpty told a reporter from the Shitrakers Weekly Review he did nothing wrong by claiming second-home expenses on a shed in the garden of the London house where his parents live due every other MP and their dog milking the same scheme for all it’s worth as the cloth-eared tax-paying public are too stupid to understand they’re getting ripped-off.

McNumpty received allowances worth thousands of pounds for the garden shed in his Skidrow-on-Thames constituency, which is just round the corner from his main home.
He said he made "considerable" use of the shed by staying there occasionally and the expenses claimed for it allowed it him to pay off his credit card bills on time and afford several holidays abroad each year.

Details of McNumpty's dodgy expense claims, the latest to be revealed about leading MPs, appeared in billboard sized fashion ten meters up on the side of the Houses of Parliament – courtesy of radical anarchist and celebrity graffiti artist Wanksy.

The MPs' Additional Costs Allowance of up to £24,000 a year goes to MPs from outside London to cover the cost of staying away from their main home when carrying out parliamentary duties, hiring male prostitutes for paid sex sessions, shagging their Asian au pair girls in seedy hotels or getting tied up and spanked by a Ukranian dominatrix.

Under ridiculous parliamentary rules McNumpty can claim an allowance for a second home in his constituency even though it is only five minutes walk from his main residence.

Earlier this year fat cat ‘Second Home’ Secretary Jacqui Stabvest Smith had to defend her actions with a series of bare-faced lies and outright perjurious denials after it emerged in the radical gutter press’s online scandal sheet websites she had claimed about £116,000 in expenses for her family home in the West Midlands after declaring her sister's property – a derelict squat in Peckham where she visited once a week - as her main residence.

Derek Conman, MP for Old Scrotum and Teacup, was expelled from the Conservative Party last year after being ordered to return £13,161 paid to his youngest son Freddie to work as a researcher while he was already employed as a burger tosser at McAlpine’s Chew and Spew in Vladivostok.

Further, the Commons' Standards and Privileges Committee said Mr Conman had made a "serious lapse of judgement" in paying his eldest son Henry for research into South American gay lifestyles while on a university sabbatical year in Patagonia and was ordered to return £3,757 of taxpayers' money.

Mr. Conman told reporters outside his London club 'Cheets' he intends to stand down at the next general election and run under the Hedonistic Squanderers party banner.

In February this year Parliament's Committee on Standards in Public Life decided against launching an inquiry into MPs' allowances due the festering can of worms scandals that would erupt if such details were exposed in the public arena.
While such an enquiry might well have served the public interest it would definitely not have served those of Parliamentary politicians.

All three above-mentioned opprobrium-tainted political felons recently apologised to the House of Commons representative assembly for being caught out red-handed with their greedy little paws in the public purse and drawing attention to the collective covert scandalous Parliamentary practices of bleeding the taxpayer like parasitic leeches.