London Mayor Bo-No (Boris Nonsense) is up to his proverbial nuts in the ‘merde’ yet again - not for riding his bike on the pavement and running down grannies - or another case of 'in flagrante delicto' - but for getting close to the truth by calling Keith ‘Trust Me’ Vaz a ‘cunt in cunt’s clothing’ and telling him to ‘go and get f*cked’ ten times in as many minutes.
Bonkers Boris is alleged to have launched a tirade of swear words at Keith Vaz, New Labour’s chairman of the Commons home affairs committee.
The two clashed in a phone conversation after Mayor Nonsense gave evidence to the committee about Tory MP Damian Green's arrest for aggravated newt fancying.
Committee members say they were shown a transcript by Mr Vaz suggesting "the mayor used the F-word 10 times".
Mayor Nonsense's aides deny that he swore so many times, explaining that as he had known Vaz since he (Vaz) had been Tony Bliar’s Minister for Nepotism and Corruption, Boris was therefore aware of what an influence-peddling, back-stabbing, lying, corrupt, self-serving arsehole Vaz really was.
Their conversation's alleged details emerged in London's Evening Shitraker newspaper - supplied by an anonymous source – which stated there was a lot of hair-pulling and scratching like a pair of schoolgirls involved in a playground catfight.
In a statement of response, Chlamydia Twatrot, spokeswoman for the London mayor said the two politicians had held a private telephone conversation after "Mr Vaz and a committee colleague appeared on BBC television accusing the mayor of being uncooperative and confused in a pathetic attempt to disguise their own incompetence in the handling of the Damian Green inquiry.”
"The mayor made his points forcefully and once or twice used strong language when he accused Mr. Vaz of talking ‘bullshit’ as it is widely believed he was the one responsible for divulging the minutes of the committee meeting to the gutter press.”
“Mayor Nonsense emphatically denies calling Vaz a “trough-dweller” or a ”dodgy dipshit” or a “fat smarmy git” – even though all three disparaging titles fit perfectly.”
Vaz, the MP for Old Scrotum, has a long history of major first degree peccadillos that equal, if not surpass, those of current Business Secretary Peter Scandalson (aka Lord Sleaze / Vermin in Ermine) which prompted one senior Tory MP to comment during the exposure of the pair’s earlier opprobriums : “Can’t New Labour’s people keep their greedy little paws off anything? They’re even worse than Old Labour’s grasping self-interest influence-peddlers like the Wilson era’s Lady Forkbender.”
Has Keith Vaz ever done you a dodgy favour? Have you ever received a Christmas card, free Nectar points or tickets to a Wembley Cup match from Shahrokh Mireskandari ? - Virendra Sharma ? - Sarosh Zaiwalla? -Nadhmi Auchi? – Tarique Ghaffur ? or Oleg Mobsaroubles? (Russian CEO of the giant Wankos Oil and Gas conglomerate)
Did you ever make false charges against anyone called Eileen Eggington ?
Have you ever attempted to pervert the course of justice ?
Have you ever taken out a hit job contract on someone named Felicity Firkin ?
Did you ever invite Slippa Shitty to Parliament for tea with Tony Bliar ?
Have you ever fast-tracked passport applications for Tom, Dick or Harry Hinduja ?
How did you vote on the 42 Day Terrorist Detention Rule ?
Fill in our online questionaire below then we’ll pass it onto New Scotland Yard and drop you right in the shit.
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