Chinese Nutter Sabotages Auction

A Chinese government official who won a high profile Christie’s auction for two bronze artworks once owned by the Manchu Emperor Xian Feng, says he has no intentions of paying for them.

The sculptures, which sold for 15 million Euros each in Paris last week, were originally looted by Jesuit missionaries from Peking’s Imperial Summer Palace in October 1860, towards the end of the Second Opium War.

As Western imperialism was carving a path through Asia, the Vatican’s Jesuits followed, initiating their own Rape, Pillage and Burn crusades to convert China’s heathen masses to Christianity and save their immortal souls from eternal damnation.

Hung Ping Pong, who has identified himself as the bidder, is an adviser to China's National Treasures Fund, which seeks to retrieve treasures looted by foreign armies and the Vatican’s thieving priests over the last couple of thousand years.

He said his decision to ‘bid until he bust’ for the bronzes had been a "patriotic" act, directed and sanctioned by his geriatric government masters in Beijing, but stressed that the fund did not have the money to pay for the sculptures.
"What I want to stress is that this money cannot be paid," Mr Pong told a reporter from the Poundland Antiquities Gazette. “The Vatican should hang its head in shame and return to China that which its Men in Black have stolen.”

The two bronzes, in the shape of the heads of Bugs Bunny and Roland Rat, were auctioned by Christie's in Paris last week as part of the estate of the late Pope John Paul the Second.
One Catholic cardinal confided that if the Vatican did return the bronzes and all the other artworks and shiny bling it had stolen from around the world over the past two Millenniums, then the place would be empty.

Christie's auction house, which sold the pieces, said it was aware of the reports that the bronzes were stolen from Emperor Xian Feng’s Imperial Palace.
Ms. Candida de Muffrotte, spokeswoman for Christies, explained to a reporter from the Great Wall Sweeper’s Weekly : "Under the accords of our confidentiality policy we do not comment on the identity of our consignors or buyers."
"However, in this case, as the Beijing government are threatening to close down our businesses in China, we’ll reveal the fact the bronzes originated from the Vatican.”

Christie's further stated the sale was reasonably legal, a position backed by a French court.
Correspondents say the sale has further soured relations between China and France, following a recent meeting between French President Nicolas Teakozy and the Dalai Lama, Tibet's exiled Buddhist leader, at which Tibet was invited to give China the bird and join the European Union.