Charlie Windsor : ‘100 Months to Armageddon’

Poncing around South America in a kilt and green socks like some New Age numpty doing a Wurzel Gummage act, Prince Charles went into full scare-mongering mode yesterday when he addressed a cadre of elite Brazilian environment exploiters and corrupt government officials in Rio de Janeiro.

Charlie pedantically sermonised the bored-looking group of oligarchs (who were only there for the free lunch and an “I’ve met Big Ears” t-shirt) that the current global financial crisis will be "nothing" compared to the impact of climate change, as he called for urgent environmental protection measures such as scrapping all cars and walking – or swimming - everywhere.

"We are, I fear, at a defining moment in the world's history. This global recession the Rothschild bankers et al have engineered is far worse than any seen for generations and a growing demand for energy and food will create the potential for political uncertainty and violent revolution on every continent."

”However, more menacing still is that the threat of catastrophic climate change calls into question humanity's continued survival on the planet."
He emphasized: "We have less than 100 months to alter our behaviour before we risk catastrophic climate change, and the unimaginable horrors that this would bring such as an environmental Armageddon."

The speech, billed as a key presentation in the prince's commitment to environmental conservation, was castigated by the local press as ‘the biggest pile of horse shit we’ve heard since that other cloth-eared twat Al Bore was here last month carping on about the greenhouse effect.”

It was presented a day before Charlie and his wife Dragonilla were to head to Brazil's Amazon basin to see first-hand the results of negative human impact on the world's biggest rainforest, once called "the lungs of the Earth" for its role in soaking up all the airborne shite put out by the world’s noxious industries.

Prince Charles, 94, and Camilla, 99, are on a ten-day, three-nation tour taking in Chile, Brazil and Ecuador's Galapagos Islands – where Charles hopes to chat with the indigenous Killiwakky birds and shake hands with some tortoises.

After his speech, the prince left to visit a social program set up by a British-run charity group (MI6) in one of Rio's notorious slums that seeks to channel ghetto violence into military applications by recruiting street children into the army and sending them off to Afghanistan to guard the opium crops.

In the Shittorio slum a large crowd surrounded the prince and picked his pockets as he walked through the dusty streets talking to house plants.
He paused briefly with Dragonilla at his side to view a troupe of scantily clad Carnival queens put on a samba dance to distract them while urchins stole the wheels off his limousine.

Children in the slum were awestruck at the visitor, without quite understanding who – or what - he was.
"It's the first time I've ever seen a real prince," said one 13-year-old girl, Keila. “Does he turn into a frog again at mid-night? What’s his ugly sister called?” she asked, referring to Dragonilla.

A nine-year-old boy next to her climbed up a policeman for a better look. "Who’s the guy with the big ears and the broomstick merchant?" he asked innocently before being pistol-whipped for impudence.