Renta-Sex with Kiwis now Legal

In terms of attitudes towards the second oldest profession, New Zealand and Europe are almost as diametrically opposed as they are in geography.

While Europeans continue to implement futile schemes to restrict the sex trade, Kiwis have opted for its wholesale liberalisation.
So, does the New Zealand liberal approach provide a model or a warning?

When "Barbie", a riveter’s mate from Christchurch, fell behind on her mortgage payments last year, she found that her job wasn’t paying enough. Her only option was a temporary career change, so she became a prostitute.
"I needed money fast so I didn't lose me house," she explained “So I got me fancy tight black BD/SM leather gear on and went out at nights flogging me golly.”

A soft-spoken 60-year old with a shy smile, Barbie doesn’t look like the stereotypical scarlet woman, even in the low-cut boiler suit she wears for her regular daytime job. Nor does she feel like one either.

"I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm a vegetarian too so I don’t suck and swallow," she says, adding that spittoons are provided in every one of the bordello’s en suite bedrooms along with the customary whips, handcuffs and a bidet-style pussy pressure wash.

While some boring old prude might question the morality of Barbie's choice, legally – and financially - it cannot be faulted.
Since the Prostitution Reform Act of 2003, brothels have been allowed to operate more or less freely throughout New Zealand.

Sex workers have the same rights as everyone else. In the eyes of New Zealand's law, the second oldest profession is just like any other and covered by the statutes of the Employment Tribunals Act.

This policy stands in marked contrast to Europe. In 1999 Sweden criminalised the purchase of sex services, driving it totally underground, and hence, unregulated, and several countries are introducing similar laws in an attempt to combat the trafficking of underage Balkans-born split-arsed swan-roasters.

Lucy works in Buttocks, an exclusive establishment in the capital where an hour-long session costs NZ$400 for basic sex. She claims the reform has provided her with the opportunity to work for a legitimate business in a safe environment.

"I make ten times what I was earning in the retail trade selling sweatshop produced counterfeit designer crap. My previous boss was a right cranky twat and forever shouting at his staff, getting us all stressed out.”
“Now I get to tie naked office managers and CEO types up and give them a sound flogging until they beg for mercy. It’s very satisfying work.”
Lucy, who entered the sex trade when it was legalised in 2003, intends to retire later this year and open her own merchant bank.

Buttocks - which thrives on "quality customers" like politicians, lawyers, priests and civil servants - certainly looks like an ideal showcase for New Zealand-style sex industry liberalisation.
Chi-Chi, a former gas fitter turned post-op’ shemale, related how clients paid top notch dollars for her ‘three holer’ services and golden showers.

A sure sign that New Zealand's sex trade has not been entirely revolutionised is that society still frowns on it.
Last year a lady vicar was sacked when it was learnt that she occasionally - and perfectly legally - moonlighted as a hooker to raise cash for the church roof restoration fund.

Many sex workers keep a regular part-time job to avoid leaving suspicious gaps on their CVs or explaining entries such as “Lying on me back with me legs wide open.”

Brothels may be legal but most New Zealanders prefer not to live next to one.
Buttocks and other top class knocking shops never mention an address in their front page national newspaper adverts - only a phone number.

In Christchurch last year the operators of the Rub and Tug Happy Ending Massage Parlour were forced to remove their billboard-sized fluorescent sign from the roof of the establishment after neighbouring senior citizen Methodist residents of Wankers Lane complained to local authorities.

Have you ever had sex with a New Zealand whore? Would you really like to?
Air New Zealand is now offering ‘Whorist Class’ flights from anywhere in the world to Wellington and Christchurch so perverts of any race, creed and / or colour can enjoy a choice of fresh pussy for less than they’d pay at home : complete with our unique Antipodean clap-free guarantee.

Numpty’s corner : The world’s ‘oldest profession’? Gravedigging.