Friday, 15 October 2010

Wild Bear Prank Ad’ Mobilises Rangers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The officious psychotic mandarins comprising the ranks of Singapore’s Kafkaesque government, not renowned for ever seeing the funny side of anything, have reacted in their customary draconic fashion and opened a criminal investigation into what they are terming 'the juvenile and irresponsible behaviour' of the Netherlands-based domestic appliance group, Philips Electronics, over a marketing campaign publicity stunt that last night caused the dystopic island state’s paranoid authorities to go to Defcon One.

In response to media queries the Bukit Timah Plod Squad announced that it was 'investigating' the stunt as an offence of public nuisance under Singapore’s draconic Penal Code.

A fuzzy video released on various local social media sites last night suggested a wild bear was roaming the residential neighbourhood around Shao Mai Road and Wonton Crescent, rooting in wheelie bins for the fresh cadavers of euthanised baby girls – or a few prawn spring rolls.
Whereas some viewers with two active brains cells to rub together realised it was a stunt as there are no bears in Singapore, the majority of the population’s Common Purpose brainwashed ‘citizen’ drones got straight on their ‘snitch’ phones to the local Stasi HQ and grassed up the ‘subversive’ incident.

While no police officials possessed the nuance to take a closer look at the video footage and determine the ‘rampaging wild beast’ was actually a gangling and clumsy human in a bear costume, they alerted and mobilised a horde of trigger-happy zoo rangers armed with Tasers and tranquiliser guns in search of the animal.

Facebook user Sue Doku, a Katong physical therapist working at the prestigious Happy Ending Rub & Tug Massage Salon, posted a message saying that Singapore’s up-tight public needed to relax a little. “Just go and Google 'guerilla marketing', see why life can be a lot more fun and less depressing and less stressed elsewhere around the world! Don't stem creativity, people - we're not all robots under the People’s Authoritarian Party jackboot.”

However, here in this totalitarian postage stamp island republic, having fun was made illegal by PM Harry Lee back in the 1960’s, and smiling carries a penalty of ten strokes of the rotan, posting graffiti gets life imprisonment – and laughing is a capital offence.
Thus no surprise that officials had a massive sense of humour failure and Ms Sue Doku was summarily arrested for subversion just minutes after her Facebook post hit cyberspace, and has since been charged with supporting a ‘vexatious publicity stunt’.

Yet such is life in Singapore’s Big Brother nanny state: Clean and Green- and Sterile – and as much fun as a course of chemotherapy under the totalitarian misrule of Brigadier-General / Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loony - aka Baby God Lee - son of that cantankerous and senile corrupt reprobate, the fascist ex-PM Harry Lee – aka Lee Kuan Spew – nowadays, alas, described by Western diplomats as more of an incontinent old ‘pisspot’ than a ‘despot’.

Regardless of Harry Lee’s diminished physical and mental states, such is the Stalinist style regime that still runs the 700 square kilometre island republic, that when Lee gave up smoking decades ago, the entire island republic had to follow suit.
While the state is labelled with the derogatory title of a ‘Fine City’ due the fiscal penalties one can incur for transgressing whatever new law some Mickey Mouse mandarin just thought up to generate revenue and criminalise the public, it has never been able to eradicate it’s unique custom of launching ‘Killer Litter’ from the tops of HUD apartments onto some hapless old amah passing down below.

So, all the following have been declared verboten: smoking, spitting, peeing in elevators (really), chewing gum, jaywalking, disagreeing with anything the government says or does, graffiti, Banksie posters or T-shirts, Falun and the Gongs CD’s, bird feeding, not flushing a public lavatory, masturbating in public (really), eating or drinking in public, littering, all drugs, homosexuality (apart from the kai tai’s), Malaysian newspapers, pirate DVD’s or CD’s, any porno’ materials or publications such as Playboy, Penthouse, Three-Hole Asian Nymphos or Anal Chinkie Sluts – plus the Jehovah’s Witness’s ‘Watchtower’.

Winner of the Good Citizen Brownie Points award for castigating the Philips Electronics marketing stunt was Mr Sum Dum Fuk of Tanjong Rhu, who posted a superbly nasty critique, declaring in junior commissar fashion “Marketing does not give a person the right to create public anxiety and to waste police resources. Philips Electronics must be made to pay all costs incurred and to make a public apology. It should also sack its marketing agency for failing to think through the consequences of their stupidity more thoroughly.”

Conversely, Phillips PR spokeswoman, Ms Fellattia van der Gamm, told Flip Flop Fong, a reporter with the Killjoys Gazette, that the bear stunt ad’ was perhaps misconceived to be broadcast to a population of brainwashed clones, whereas the same ad’ went down perfectly, and to great mirth, in Europe and the US.
“We set the advert to the music of ‘Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear’ –but have been informed that an arrest warrant has now been issued for a Mr S. Smith and a hold order passed to immigration at Changi Airport to detain him – or anyone dressed in a bear costume.”

Singapore provides a perfect example of why the New World Order will turn out to be a fascist nightmare - with free speech being a joke. This is the only place the opposition political parties still get arrested for suspected terrorist activities on the night before an election. Oh well, one better than Indonesia or the Philippines - where any opposition candidate with half a chance of winning a few votes gets shot instead.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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