Kenyan Schools Staffed by Paedo’s

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Miss Winnebago Chuckabutty, a spokeswoman for the Kenyan Education Ministry’s Department of Pederasty, informed a reporter from the Paedo’s Gazette that 1,283 teachers have been sacked over the past two years for sexually abusing their pupils, all minors, whose ages ranged from 9 to 15.

“In Nairobi alone over 230 male and female teachers were sacked for either kissing or fondling pupils of both sexes. At the St Sappho of the Sacred Dildo School we fired several lesbian nun teachers for seducing their female pupils. Instead of giving them the ‘strap’ for misbehaviour, they were dishing out sessions with a strap-on.”

“Then over at the St Sodom’s School for Latter Day Catamites we had to fire a bunch of lecherous lady teachers who had been seducing their boys. Plus we had a cadre of faggots that got kicked out for butt fucking boys – and an even bigger bunch fired for getting their girlie pupils into a state of pregnancy.”
“Seriously, this scandal will take some living down, as we’re now getting a world-wide internet reputation for officially-approved child sexual abuse like Aberdeen in Scotland. Nairobi – the kiddie fiddling capital of Africa.”

Constance Jaffacake, the programme director for ‘The Cradle’, a child rights foundation in Kenya, revealed "In one primary school we had over 20 girls wot woz pregnant – wid half dat numba actually impregnated by de teachers themselves – and de other half by dere own brothers or uncles.”
“Our biggest problem is de fact dat de parents don’t report de case to de police cos de teachers responsible promise dat de pregnant girl will have free education at de school an’ be certain to pass her exams summa cum laude – an’ also de baby will get free education too.”

Mr Wilberforce Dandelion, the Minister for Gender, Children and Social Development, told an interviewer from the Scumbag Channel’s ‘Third World Dumps’ programme that a mix of 600 male and female teachers were dismissed in 2009 and so far this year 550 teachers have got the chop for kiddie fiddling out of a total teaching staff of 240,000 nationwide.

“Like Constance told ya all, de parents dey don’t report dese matters to de police cos dey stand ta gain from dese sinful crimes. It is very hard ta get any offendin’ teacher charge wid his crimes an’ inter de courtroom. De las one we got dere, he tell de judge he woz only doin’ his job like an’ it’s not his fault all de class of girls get pregnant as he am teachin’ de sex education syllabus an’ he don’t get provided wid condoms.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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