Thursday, 7 October 2010

10:10 Carbon Emissions – Reduce or Else!

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A bonkers British TV ad’ campaign, commissioned by the self-appointed fascist 10:10 Global group’s carbon emissions Gestapo division to raise public awareness that the world’s climate is (and has been since the dawn of time) in a constant state of change (omnia mutantur) – have created a psychologically traumatizing series of commercials to terrify the hapless sheeple into believing that if they don’t comply with the asinine Kyoto Accords and Agenda 21 statutes and do ‘their bit’ to support Al Bore’s AGW scam then they’re for the chop.

In the ‘No Pressure’ commercials - penned by "Four Hurricanes and an Ice Age" screenwriter Dermot McTwatt - a school teacher, a corporate CEO and a soccer coach encourage their students, employees and players to participate in the 10:10 Global plan to cut their personal and family-orientated carbon emissions by ten percent.

In the first instance the teacher, Miss Muffrot, explains how easy participating would be – by selling your central heating radiators and combi boiler for scrap to some swan-roasting Albanian pikey; walking to school; digging up the front lawn and planting taters and veggies – and sabotaging neighbour’s cars.
She then asks for a show of hands as to how many Year 6 class members will be signing up for the project – with almost everyone raising a hand – apart from that little lesbo slut, Mingeater, and the sociopathic nose-picking, crotch-scratching faggot Simon.

Miss Muffrot comments that it’s okay if the two class pariahs don’t want to join in as it’s really an ‘individual decision’. She then reaches over to a box and presses a red button the size of a strangulated haemorrhoid, and Mingeater and Simon, who didn't agree with the environmental initiative, are blown to fucking pieces - splattering blood, flesh and snot all over the children sat around them.

While several people with mental health issues, such as kiddie fiddlers, self-harmers, career sadists and pro-vivisection campaigners found the resulting film extremely funny, unfortunately hundreds of thousands of viewers didn’t – with children and the more squeamish members of polite society actually throwing up when the non-compliant types got blown away.

Ms Beverly Titwank, the director of the TV regulator Ofcom, opined to a reporter from the Daily Shitraker that “Now these people are publicly starting to exhibit their mentality about how they perceive those who don't agree with their global warming and carbon footprint reduction scam propaganda.”

“I mean, who wants to see some George Dubya Bush type moron with his finger poised over the big red ‘destruct’ button, giggling and dribbling insanely – then disintegrating non-compliants Dr Manhattan style. Hence, in the public’s eyes, this advert serves to define them as a group that believe that those who don’t agree with their ideas should be annihilated.”

“Seriously, this demonstrates how violent the environmental movement could become if neo-Nazi’s like the 10:10 Global Thug Squad are given free rein to ‘convert’ the public to signing up for the carbon credits cap n trade exchange deals and impose their draconic individual ‘carbon footprint’ regulations.”

Ms Fanny Armpits, 10:10 Global’s founder and a former welfare officer at Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib Prison, informed the media that the ad’ campaign was a joke and obviously a bit too subtle for the stupid British public who just didn’t get it.

Going into her customary frenzied, froth-spitting hysterics mode, Ms Armpits declared “We have about four years left to stabilize global emissions and we’re nowhere near achieving that. All our lives are at threat and it’ll only be a coup[le of years until the sea levels are up to your neck and polar bears are running wild across the Home Counties – with flocks of rampaging penguins re-enacting the Alfred Hitchcock movie ‘The Birds'.”

Dermot McTwatt, the closet psychopath who authored the commercial, told the press “I really don’t know what all the effin’ fuss is about. We only play-killed a few kids and adults to make No Pressure – a mere blip compared to the 300,000 real punters and peasants who get snuffed every year in Afghanistan and Pakiland cos of those stupid Predator drones the US operates, blasting the shit out of civilians by mistake cos they can’t tell the effin’ difference between the Taliban and Desperate Dan.”

Conversely, the 10:10 Global group have a total of 93,000 members world-wide, which basically equates as sweet fuck all considering there’s several billion people currently populating our pale blue dot – mainly in the People’s Marxist Utopia of China – who are, like the rest of humanity, well aware that the anthropogenic global warming (man-made) scare campaign is an even bigger scam than the Vatican’s Roman Catholic religion money-spinning scheme.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Though for the day: fuck the polar bears, and carbon footprints, and Al Bore and the AGW scam – and 10:10 Global - and the New World Order. Sleep easy, it ain’t gonna happen.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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