Friday, 8 October 2010

Hungary Hit with EUSSR ‘Sludge Tax’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Slobdosh has declared the criminal spill of zillions of cubic metres of red chemical sludge an ecological catastrophe – and the worst industrial fuck up he’s ever witnessed – almost as bad as BP’s Deepshit Horizon oil well disaster that’s made a total bollocks of the Gulf of Mexico’s Loop Current, the North Atlantic Drift and the vital Gulf Stream, now conspicuous by its absence which will herald in the next Ice Age for Europe this winter.

Several villages were inundated on Monday when an alumina plant reservoir dam burst in the western county of Krappheim. Hordes of rush hour commuters were swept off their twin-wheeled Segway environmentally-friendly conveyances, with roads and bridges damaged as the toxic waste flooded homes and entered the Marcal River.

Emergency services are currently working 24/7 - flat out like a lizard drinking - to prevent the highly toxic red sludge from swamping the already-contaminated Marcal River tributary reaching Europe's second longest river, the 1,775 mile Danube that flows through 4 countries from its origin in Germany.
PM Slobdash commented “If that happens then the Blue Danube is going to be the ‘Shitty Red Danube’ – and the Black Sea’s going to be the Shitty Red Sea”.

The muddy red sludge is waste from aluminium production. The bauxite ore is washed at high temperatures in what are termed ‘very nasty toxic chemicals’. This dissolves the aluminium, which is then processed further, with the red sludge left behind as an inconvenient waste product – which unlike that other toxic poison by-product ‘fluoride’, can’t be palmed off onto the stupid public as a potable drinking water additive and toothpaste ‘stripe’ to improve dental health.

The sludge storage reservoirs stretch in a line several kilometres below the aluminium factory at Ajackoff – zillions of tons of lethal, poisonous residue from 50 years of unregulated aluminium production at the expense of the environment.
According to MAL Hungarian Aluminium - the company which produced the waste - between 40% and 45% is iron oxide - which gives the mud its characteristic yet appealing ‘ginger mingin’ red tint. Between 10% and 15% is aluminium oxide, a further 10% to 15% poxide dioxide and there are smaller quantities of ratshit oxide, uranium oxide, sodium oxide and septic tank wastes – of which none are a part of anyone’s ‘five-a-day’ Mediterranean Diet ingredients.

Disaster officials relate the toxic sludge has killed all the fish and anything else unfortunate enough to be living in the Marcal River, the first hit by this disaster which has left scores of people dead, hundreds missing and thousands affected with respiratory complaints and chemical burns.
MAL Hungarian Aluminium’s Bakonyi Bauxite Mine and the offending Ajackoff processing plant – with a reckless production schedule of 300 kilotons per year- is a joint venture with exiled Russian oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles – owner of Wankprom Oil and Gulag Gaz – and the UC Rusal Corporation – the biggest aluminium mining conglomerate in the known Universe.

Halfwit Shcumster, a spokesman for Greenpeace International in Budapest, informed one reporter from the Apocalypse Gazette that the spill was the worst environmental disasters in Europe since the last environmental disaster - but fortunately no whales were killed.

Speaking from Brussels, the EUSSR’s Commissioner for Industrial Fuck Ups – Ferdinand Bogbrush - informed the media that Prime Minister Slobdash and his Budapest government were in for some hefty carbon footprint fines – plus incurring penalties under the new cap n trade Sludge Tax scheme for not obtaining a permit for the reservoir’s dam to burst.

Contacted by the media on his ‘Vory Warrior’ – a converted aircraft carrier cum yacht moored off Corfu, Oleg Mobsaroubles - accompanied by the usual cabal of pond scum politicians and banksters (Messers Lord Scandalson and Nutty Natty Rothshite) - and his Ukranian ex-stripper cum celebrity slapper girlfriend Takem Orloff - commented for the public record that he only had a commercial interest in the actual processing plant and the waste sludge dumps were the responsibility of his Hungarian 'Petuki' partners.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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