Panama’s Poor Lose out to Greedsters

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

It was going to be the largest single charitable donation in Panama's history of miserly rule by parsimonious plutocrats - more than $50 zillion bucks to benefit poor children.
Hiram T. Croesus III, a US bordello tycoon whose fortune was founded on profits derived from sin and human frailty, left the majority of his extensive estate to the Bleeding Hearts charitable foundation to help the neediest people (the poor fuckers) in the country where he lived until his death in 2006, aged 128.

Now, four years later, after a bitter legal battle, the fortune is going to one of Panama's most powerful dynasties – the Arias clan - which includes career greaseball son Gilberto Arais, the incumbent ambassador to Britain. Thus the poverty-stricken indigenous children of the Third World shithole - with a crap-infested canal running through the middle of it - have yet again, as is their eternal lot in this God-fearing Catholic nation - been left without a single red cent.

Panama's Supreme Court, headed by Judge Ronnie de Corruptioni, declared that Croesus’ last will and testament to be null and void in August, turning over the entire estate to his widow, Slagella, the ailing, octogenarian matriarch of the grasping Arias family of snide oligarchs, which have extensive officially-sanctioned crime-related business interests throughout Central and South America.

Her five children from a previous marriage – scions of a family which boasts former pond scum presidents as well as major drug dealers, bottom feeding banksters, kiddies fiddling paedo priests and bishops - plus bent ministers and diplomats – are expected to inherit the money after she pops her clogs and goes aloft to join the Choir Invisible – or down below to stoke Satan’s eternal furnace.

Critics have accused the tycoon's widow of greed and questioned the integrity of Panama's crooked judiciary – raising the spectre of the old maxim – What’s the difference between the Panamanian justice system and a criminal syndicate? – Absolutely none!

Hiram Croesus married Slagella Piza de Arias, the former wife of Grafto de Arias, a shifty Panamanian politician, in 1982 and in the 1990’s they moved down to Panama from Texas – buying the 7,000 acre Hacienda Santa Monica.
Croesus, who never had children of his own due a chronic ingrowing foreskin condition, unfortunately adopted, by default, Slagella’s brood of six grasping, spendthrift progeny – and their whingeing progeny - as his step-children and step grand-children.

However, the crafty old Croesus, who hated his adult step-children like dogshit stuck to the sole of his carpet slippers, sprang a surprise upon his death. His will granted Slagella a monthly stipend of US$20,000 bucks and gave her children one-off payments of $50,000 bucks apiece.

But the big prize – the hacienda, whose value had soared to more than $50 zillion bucks since it was purchased by Croesus almost twenty years ago – was to be sold off and the proceeds given to a newly created tax-free charitable foundation for poor children.

Fr. Hector Fuctifino, head of the intended recipient Bleeding Hearts children's charity, told a reporter from the Grasping Gits Review "That money could have helped a lot of poor children to a better life through improved medicare, education and proper nourishment. If the Arias family keeps it God will never forgive them. Alas, but in Panama political and economic forces weigh more than justice and the final will and wishes of a dying man."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a greed-infested area and may contain traces of avarice.