Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Chief Plod Seeks Sue-Proof Charter

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Britain's most senior Plod Squad officer has now made a tactical diplomatic revisionist switch from ‘demanding’ to ‘requesting’ the dumpy blonde-moment Home Secretary Theresa Maybe to cap the amount of legal action that can be taken against his force for ‘abusing the authority of their uniform'.

According to one report in this morning’s Daily Shitraker, Metropolitan Police chief Sir Paul Stephenson suggested making it harder for members of the common herd, such as unemployed peasants, middle class yuppies and generalised oicks, to bring civil cases against offending police officers for minor transgressions of law – like GBH or manslaughter.

The intellectually-challenged Stephenson also wants police staff whom ‘unwisely’ deem it necessary to file unfair or constructive dismissal cases with the Employment Tribunal service to be charged a fee to deter them from such actions and being a nuisance.

Stephenson is pressuring the Home Office for a radical shake-up of the system to protect his uniformed cretins and thugs - and avoid any further drain on police resources that have already been gutted by Posh Dave’s budget cuts.
He is also pushing for the introduction of substantial fees for requests for documents under the Freedom of Information Act. The act gives the public a right of access to all types of recorded information held by public authorities.
“If the stupid nosy public have to pay out a few bob so they can access official documents just to cause us trouble then they might think twice about it in future.”

However legal campaigners have criticised any attempt to curtail people's rights, with Bazzer McScally QC, the legal director of the civil rights group Plod Watch, informing the Stasi Gazette "The ability to challenge police misconduct in court is a vital constitutional safeguard against abuse of power.”
“Never forget for one second the on-going lessons that history teaches us - any authority, given free rein, will resort to absolutism – and in the eyes of the police, the truth is no defence.”

“What Stephenson is seeking here is an impossible criteria that justifies brutal police attacks on innocents – such as protesters and demonstrators. The cops wear the uniform so must be in the right - right?”
“Nope, sorry but it’s wrong – they’re only trying to cover their own arses and officially-condoned crimes – and there’s only thing worse than organised crime, and that’s disorganised crime – instance so many times over this past few years by our ‘power-unto-themselves Plod Squad and their half-trained moron TSA counterparts hired from Renta-Thug.”

“Do we really need to read out the roll call of abuse and dishonour here? Blair Peach, Stephen Lawrence, Sean Rigg and Jean Charles de Menezes, to name but a few – with a pissed up barrister Mark Saunders shot to death by police snipers who were game for a spot of target practice after the stupid git leaned out of a bedroom window and waved his Toys-R-Us shotgun around.”

“Then we have the Dr David Kelly assisted suicide case - executed with police complicity and standing out like a sore thumb - but officially covered up by those two criminal rogues Ian Bliar at the Met and Tony Bliar in Downing Street - with Lord Mutton presiding over the sham inquiry and whitewash.

“Not to forget the career sadist PC Simon Harwood either, responsible for the illegal killing – nay murder – of an innocent G20 protest passer-by, namely Ian Tomlinson – and still awaiting a decision from our inept CPS – yet another criminal case of ‘justice denied’ – just what Sir Paul wants.”
“Next, remember Sadist 2 -the Cro-Magnon look-alike Sgt Delboy Stinkie – a video-taped beater of women – and an ideal candidate for the Bitch Thumper lager advert. He gets a ‘case dismissed’ verdict for his assault on G20 demonstrator Nicola Fisher – a wee lass weighing in at 120 pounds wet through – and holding an orange juice carton.”

"Last but not least we have 6 foot-odd x 16 stone bruiser Sgt Mark Andrews, live on CCTV, dragging a motorist – the almost-senior citizen Pamela Andrews, 59 years of age, across the cop shop floor and physically hurling her into a cell head-first. Perhaps some modicum of justice was served here as he got six months – hardly the sentence doled out to yobsters who commit similar crimes of GBH, but thank fuck for small mercies at least.”

“So this is what Stephenson is petitioning the Home Office for: the police want to maintain their special status of being above the law while dishing out its restrictions and punishments on others. Trying to put the police beyond the rule of law - we think not.”

Lord Ian Bliar of Boughtoff, Stephenson’s incompetent predecessor as Metropolitan Police Commissioner, commented that in his wholly unqualified opinion, it was legitimate for his successor to examine all areas of expenditure in these days of disastrous spending cuts – especially when it was costing the Plod Squad an arm and a leg in compensation claims and increased insurance premiums.
"We obviously live in a very litigious society and the police are an agency which is bound to come into conflict with citizens from time to time – especially so when officers beat people to death in front of crowds of people – and get videoed doing so."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the abusive Plod Squad and Big Brother – and his sister - and their New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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