Sunday, 25 December 2011

Xmas Skewed News Roundup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Sectarian clashes broke out in Bethlehem on Christmas Eve between the occupied West Bank’s Palestinian Authority officials and agents of Israel’s Ministry of Expropriation – backed up by the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade thugs.

Apparently the disturbance centred around the lucrative collection of ‘tributes’ paid by foreign pilgrims and tourists visiting the Church of the Nativity – the speculated ‘manky manger’ birthplace of Christ – with Rabbi Sheldon Scumbaum leading the affray and declaring to one press hack from the Chosen People’s Gazette that “Jesus was born a kike to a Jewish mother and would have supported the Zionist state of Israel – so the collection money belongs to us.”

In his annual Urbi et Orbi speech to the crowds of gullible sheeple gathered in the Vatican’s St Peter’s Square last night, Pope Benny, the Mk XVI German ‘Ratflinger’ built-to-last model, last night went into total hypocrisy mode, condemning Christmas as being ‘commercialised – totally missing the point that his own Roman Catholic church has spent great industry and effort over the past 2000 years commercialising the very ‘religion’ that remains their lucrative bread and butter.

The ex-Nazi Pontiff, shuffling along on a Zimmer frame - and wearing his customary fishtail hat to amuse the children – plus being adorned in gold vestments to fully compound the hypocrisy - urged worshippers to see through the superficial glitter and discover the joys of emptying their wallets into the offertory plates.

At the Old Bailey on Friday - in a pre-Christmas ‘Triple-S’ surprise sentencing special - an unemployed homeless person who pushed a top ranking HSBC bankster under a Tube train in central London last October has been cleared of murder - but found guilty of fly tipping – a lesser offence.

It is expected that upon appeal this verdict will be overturned and one of ‘justifiable homicide’ returned.

A Boxing Day strike by London Underground Tube drivers is set to go ahead after a High Court judge refused to halt it.

Aslef, the union representing the Tube drivers, are demanding quadruple pay and two days off in lieu for working over the Christmas bank holiday.

Mr Justice Numpty refused to grant an injunction halting the 24 hour strike as he personally couldn’t give a flying shit if the tube trains ran or not - and in his opinion everyone should stay home at Christmas and play with their new toys.

One of the world's largest insurance companies has organised a Christmas party orgy with prostitutes for its top salesmen at Berlin’s notorious Tekem Orloff Lap Dancing bar and strip joint - rumoured to be owned by the Ukranian mafia.

Dildo-Staffel, a division of the German underwriting firm Munich Humpers, candidly confirmed that the party took place.

Gerhard Schnitcher, an investigative journalist for the media organisation Deutsche Grassup, told the BBC 2's Scandal Hour programme: "There was plenty of alcohol and 20 naked prostitutes on hand."

"They had colour-coded arm-bands, apparently. Turquoise for second-hand virgins - black for BD/SM Dominatrices - and red for the old toothless ‘suck n swallow’ blowjob slags - with white ribbon bands identifying the three-hole whores that had a genuine up-to-date VD/HIV clearance certificate – and who were all reserved for top management."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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