Militarist Jingle Tops Xmas Carols

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

So, this politically-contrived campaign push to get the Military Wives Choir’s rendition of ‘Wherever You Are – Whoever You’re Killing’ – from its release a week ago, on December 19th - into the 2011 UK Christmas number one spot - has, against the constraints of good taste and moral rectitude, actually succeeded.

Hmmm, one might prudently inquire, why has some amateurish two-versed cobbled-together illiterate ditty glorifying wars of aggression - and the homicidal maniacs expediting them - overtaken our traditional Yuletide carols that were composed to promote the season of goodwill towards all men - and peace on Earth?

Well, that’s all thanks to the media-mesmerised morons who were moved to tears by the hypocrisy-ridden ‘soundbite’ lyrics – (compliments of the brainwashing Tavistock Institute and Scameron’s cabinet Nudge Unit) - such as ‘wondrous star’ and ‘prince of peace’ - glorifying Broken Britain’s neo-colonial / imperialist belligerence and hostilities against a series of hapless Third World dumps – by plagiarising terms traditionally employed to describe Jesus Christ and His role in this world – both etheric and temporal – and not the antics of some army of gung-ho trigger-happy psycho squaddies deployed on active service in Afghanistan – aka ‘The Graveyard of Empires’.

The song entered the UK singles chart, immediately claiming the Christmas ‘Numero Uno’ spot due selling more than 556,000 copies in a single week and knocking ‘Dominick the Donkey’ for a boundary six.

To give added emphasis to the poor taste involved, the smarmy song’s CD sleeve cover art features the emblem of an opium poppy in full bloom on a traditional Islamic green background, with a collage of photos depicting scenes of devastation caused by the NATO troops to Afghan peasant villages.

However the hit single has copped for lashings of criticism from human rights and wrongs groups around the globe, with Baz ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher, the director of Ox-Rat, informing one press hack from the Warmongers Gazette “Really, how many copies do yer think have bin bought by the Iraqis or the Libyans – or the Taliban and Afghan peasants wot’s lost entire families ter NATO’s not-so smart bombs an’ the Predator drone’s Shitehawk missiles?”

“Wot I’d like ter see is some lyrics included in this piece of hypocritical bullshit wot tell the effin’ truth an’ not a bunch of emotional tear-wrenchin’ crap wot’s set ter play on the public’s perceptions of the poor soldiers - an’ classifyin’ ‘em as ‘our heroes’ fer invadin’ some hapless fucker’s country an’ brutalisin’ every fucker old enough ter bleed.”

“In my opinion it’s all a poor show of propaganda an’ a typical display of bad taste by this government – blowing the Beacon of Democracy trumpet at Christmas – the traditional time of peace and goodwill to all men on Earth - while the Ministry of Defence psychos have British troops deployed in an aggressive war of occupation in Afghanistan.”
“It’s all linked ter perpetuate this Lest We Forget / Remembrance Day hypocrisy – cos since 1918 we’ve never stopped forgettin’ – an’ are still gettin’ our arses involved in nasty, engineered belligerent conflicts around the effin’ globe.”

“So bollocks ter this Military Wives Choir – wot ter my mind – homophobia besides - is chocker block wiv lipstick lezbo sopranos an’ bull dyke baritones – an’ I’d like ter hear less of the discordant caterwaulin’ an’ hear ‘em do a rap version of the song instead.”

“Ahhhhhh!” they scream as the snipers let fly,
Old Mohammed just copped one, right in the eye.
Wherever You Are – each day must be thrillin’,
Oh what a rush when it’s heathens yer killin’;
But watch out fer the Taliban, keep yer head down,
Then call in an air strike ter flatten their town.

My love is your flack jacket, buttoned up tight,
So no bonkin’ goats in the darkness of night;
Think only of me when you havin’ wet dreams,
An’ no getting’ off on yer child victim’s screams.

Light up the darkness with a load of Willy-Pete,
Pickin’ off kids as they run scared down the street;
Bugger words of ‘peace’ – just leave them in ‘pieces’,
The sons an’ the daughters – an’ the nephews an’ nieces.
An’ I’m keepin’ me promise not ter shag other men
By havin’ raunchy sex wiv some skanger called Gwen.

“Ooooooh! That woz nice”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.