Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Bahrain Monarch in UK for Credibility Check

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

King Hamad al-Nastygit of Bahrain was outed and his cover blown by Borders Agency officer Frank McSnitch as he attempted to sneak through London’s Thiefrow Airport last night disguised as a Polish plumber - in an effort to remain incognito and keep his covert visit to Broken Britain a secret – which has resulted in the red top gutter press tabloids branding him ’a right old snidey twat’.

Apparently one reason for King Hamad’s clandestine visit is to consult his Harley Street therapist due suffering for acute depression following criticism of his ineptitude in dealing with the Arab Spring socio-political demonstrations – and in a flawed display of headless chicken imprudence, seconding a legion of troops from Saudi Arabia’s 21st Barbarian Brigade to assist Bahrain’s incompetent riot police in quelling the unrest and killing all protesters old enough to bleed.

King Hamad confided to one press hack from the Whistleblowers Gazette “It is most upsetting to be referred to as a despot. These Shia peasants do not know how lucky they are to have such a benign monarch overseeing the workings of government and tending to their public affairs. Alas, they are all ingrates and I get no thanks for my efforts for building schools and teaching them to read and write – for all they do is go on Facebook and Twitter and call me impolite names and say I have sex with little boys and goats – which is a private matter and not for public disclosure.”

“You should read some of the e-mails I am receiving. “We hope your tent blows away in a strong wind.” “It shall be the will of Allah that infidel lepers will piss in your water well.” “The people pray your favourite racing camel shall be crippled with haemorrhoids.”

“Now the Great Satan’s evil agents in the Pentagon are demanding that I do ‘this and that and the other’ to appease these dissident scumbag protesters and ensure the security of their 5th Fleet that is anchored in Myanmar – or else they are going to move their naval base to Qatar – and take all their drunken heathen matelots and strip joints and bars and knocking shops along with them.”

“So I have come here to speak with my banksters at NM Rothshite, and my old public school chums in the Tory Party and House of Lords – and meet with Posh Dave at the House of Conmans to request that he throws his support behind our efforts to maintain law and order.”

“Hopefully Posh Dave can put the block on Britain’s alternative human rights and wrongs media internet sources like Ox-Rat and Amnesty from publishing these reports of doctors and nurses being arrested and imprisoned and tortured to death for providing medical treatment to protesters who have been lawfully shot and wounded by our security forces - and so hopefully prevent my little kingdom ending up like Iraq or Libya have done after being dealt a double dose of NATO’s remedial ‘humanitarian intervention’ – a devastated war zone.”

However during a meeting at Downing Street later in the afternoon with the Tory-dominated Libservative Coalition’s Zillionaire’s Cabinet and the Nudge Unit think tank, Scameron was quick to point out that “You’ll be lucky, Hamad - I’m running short on credibility myself after that fuck up in Brussels last week, acting like a reckless oick and sticking my bloody neck out by vetoing the eurozone deal to prove I’m not a beef-eating surrender monkey. Perhaps you’d be better off having a word with the Quartet’s Mid-East Peace Envoy, Tony Bliar – he’ll do anything for thirty pieces of silver.”

Appearing on the BBC’s ‘Let the Tumbrels Roll’ radical political debate programme last night, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, the leader of Bahrain's ‘Fesad fel Arz’ opposition party, informed interviewer Fellattia van der Gamm he is willing to meet with the Persian Gulf postage stamp state’s monarch, King Hamad to discuss "serious political reforms – preferably in a boxing ring.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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