Clapped-Out Puffin Croaks

A wayward and stricken puffin found crouched at the back entrance of a Smegmashire sexual health clinic earlier this week has, after making initial gains, unfortunately now croaked.

The male juvenile was discovered four days ago at the Clapton Pox Clinic, cowering by the bottom of a flight of steps around the rear of the building – obviously like so many of its human contemporaries, too embarrassed to go inside and tell the nurse manning the reception desk “I’ve got a sick willy.”

The bird, suffering from exposure, was rescued and taken into the clinic where it bucked up in the warm surroundings and after scoffing a bowl of Heinz ‘Worm Soup’ – following which a medical examination diagnosed the creature as suffering from the terminal ravages of galloping cock canker – one of the myriad avian forms of the diseases of Venus, but a type usually confined to wanton cormorants and promiscuous parrots.