Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Shit Transplants Available on NHS

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Nope, this ain’t my idea of a joke. Some bright spark named Dr Alisdair MacConnachie, a gastro-enterologist at Glasgow General Hospital’s Institute of Scatology claims he’s the only doctor in Broken Britain to carry out the ‘Turd Transplant’ procedure to cure Clostridium Difficle infections – a malady that manifests when the gut is deficient in healthy bacteria.

Hmmm, so if the thought of the ‘delivery’ method - via a pipe up your nose and down into your stomach – to ‘repopulate’ the healthy bacteria hasn’t made you want to chunder already, how about considering the fact you won’t know who your ‘transplant’ donor is either – or what they had for dinner the previous night prior to dropping off a nice fresh brown ‘blind mullet’ into a hospital bedpan for your ‘procedure’ – which is then processed in a blender to make a vomitous ‘Sewerage Smoothie’.

Okay, if nobody fancies getting loaded up with second-hand shite to get that gastro-colonic bacteria balance just right – then there’s always the more hygienic option of slurping a wee bottle of miracle Shirota strain lactobacilli loaded Yakult drink – the label says it does the same thing – plus it comes in a variety of flavours that don’t include the taste of recycled shit.

Conversely, commenting on news of the pioneering treatment, Ms Beverly Titwank of the Department of Health informed press hacks that in her opinion Dr MacConnachie was full of ‘crap’.

Really, who the fuck thinks this kind of ‘shit’ (sic) up – Wallace and Gromet?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-15113440

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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