Brussels: NHS must provide IVF to over-60’s

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s National Ill-Health Service is being forced by discrimination statutes to extend the controversial upper age limit for IVF treatments to include women until their retirement age of 65.

The proposed move follows legal advice from the EUSSR’s Equal Rights Commission in Strasbourg that females of the species in their 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s are just as entitled to receive the IVF therapy as younger women – regardless of the fact they might be menopausal and past their physical potential for conceiving and child-bearing.

Henceforth, under this latest idiotic ruling, women up to the age of 65 will be entitled to free fertility treatment on the NHS for the first time, in accordance with EUSSR community guidelines to be published later this week.

On the downside, the already cash-strapped NHS Trusts could well be faced with 8,000 menopausal women per year going into broody mode and demanding their chance to become pregnant without having to pay £5,000 quid to some private rip-off clinic for a shot of high IQ super-sperm from a Nobel Prize winner or Olympics grade jock – and possibly end up inseminated by an NHS clinic with low quality DNA jizzm donated by some mongrel pikey scrote with all manner of hereditary genetic defects.

NHS fertility specialists claim the EUSSR ruling may encourage more women to delay having babies until Mr Right comes along – or they actually retire and finally have the time to raise a family, which puts both mother and child at risk. Children born to women approaching 40 and over are more likely to have abnormalities – (as so perfectly evidenced by the moronic bat-eared Prince Edward) – and prospective ‘older’ mothers suffer bouts of manic depression attributed to their inability to get laid – and thus pregnant.

Candida Mingerot, an emeritus professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at the Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence, opined to one press hack from ‘Up the Duff’ magazine that the recommendations sent out the wrong message and added: “Part of this is about taking equality to the extreme - to protect those who feel sensitive about accusations of ageism, and that’s a load of fucking nonsense.”

“In biological terms, 35 is actually too late to start trying for a family - and couples should be bonking away like rutting pigs and having families in their late 20’s or early 30’s - but the criterion hinges on the fact that no fucker or their dog can afford to have even one partner unemployed – especially due pregnancy in this depression that the government are trying to downplay into being a bit of a ‘passing phase’ double-dip recession.”

“Anyway, half the women coming to us for treatments are single and simply can’t get pregnant as they’re too ugly for any right-minded bloke to shag – so they have to resort to IVF if they’re ever to stand a chance of getting preggers and having a kiddie to keep them company in the old age.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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