Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Egyptian First: Necrophilia Now Legal

In today’s ‘You’ll Never Believe This Shit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Egypt’s National Council for Women (NCW) has appealed to the Islamist-dominated Parliament not to approve two controversial laws - on lowering the minimum age of marriage to 12 - and allowing a husband to have sex with his dead wife during a six hour period following her death - according to a report in this week’s gutter press Necrophiliac’s Journal.

Under the statutes of these controversial new laws, part of a raft of radical ‘pro-democracy’ legislation measures being introduced by the Cairo-based People’s Assembly, Egyptian husbands will be legally sanctioned to have rampant three hole sex with their dead wives ‘for up to six hours after their death’ – before the scorching desert climate sees a state of festering putrefaction and maggot infestation set in.

The subject of a husband having sex with his dead wife arose in May 2011 when the Islamic fundamentalist cleric Zamzam Abdul ibn Himar declared that in Allah’s eyes marriage remains valid even after death. Hence the 'Farewell Intercourse' law will equally sanction newly-widowed women with the right to have sex with their dead husbands – if they can manage to get his ‘manhood’ erect.

In response to the proposed new parliamentary laws, which will also see the minimum age of marriage lowered to 12 and women's rights to a state-funded education and seek gainful employment overturned, Egypt's National Council for Women has kick started a campaign against the changes, claiming that marginalising and undermining the status of women will negatively affect the nation's already stifled human development programme – which has to date proved to be more at scent than substance.

Dr Meerkat al-Godermiche, head of the NCW, wrote to the Egyptian People’s Assembly Speaker, Mr Liwat ibn Zamel, addressing her concerns and slammed the notion of letting a husband have sex with his wife after her death under the so-called 'Farewell Intercourse' draft law.

“Women in our chauvinist society are mere chattels and robbed of their aspirations. Now the male dominated People’s Assembly wish to further assault our dignity by not only allowing a husband to ‘rape’ his deceased wife but lower the marriage age of women to 12 with this proposed ‘Old Enough to Bleed so Old Enough to Butcher’ legislation that serves to accommodate the lecherous perversions of men so they might wed virgins who are just sprouting hair they can sit on.”

While this topic has sparked outrage among female activist groups, Egypt's politicians seem to have turned it into a source for humour, with one parliamentary wit going so far as to postulate “So what is the difference for a husband to give his dead wife a farewell leg-over – especially if she was already a bit of a cold fish and never responded very much before - apart from the snoring and loosing an odd fart while he was humping her?”

Hmmm, is this what the Egyptian masses staged a People’s Power revolution for and hoofed out the abusive pro-Zionist Mubarak and his despotic regime – so they could pursue an enlightened Democratic system of constitutional government – (exchanging a suppressive dictatorship for an equally-abusive, fascist military junta) – and pass legislation to legalise necrophilia and pederasty?

Oh well, for a culture that shags goats and sees no problem with fucking little boys - and each other - in the arse, then what’s the great controversy over a spot of necrophilia.

The proposed 'Farewell Intercourse' law is nothing new and has existed in Mexican culture for generations - covertly referred to as the ‘Adios Shag’ ritual. Conversely, would any bloke in his right mind want to give his deceased spouse a ‘good seeing to’ – especially if she died of a case of galloping twat rot.

What are your personal views of necrophilia? Do you have an obsessive fascination over sexual contact with dead women? How about an erotic attraction to corpses? Have you ever fucked a deceased member of the opposite sex? How about foreplay or oral sex? Do you have masturbation fantasies of working in the mortuary of a women’s hospital?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win one of our life-sized inflatable three-hole ‘Dead Doris’ dolls.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and address so the Plod Squad can call round and have you sign the Sex Offenders Register.

Thought for the day:
There was a young man from Belgrave
Who found a dead whore in a cave,
He mustered up pluck to have a cold fuck,
But just think of the money he’d save.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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