Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Kikester Runs for US Congress

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Little wonder the Great Satan is both economically and politically hobbled by this insidious ‘Israel First’ debtocracy curse when the US Capitol building is infested no only with AIPAC lobbyists but hordes of kikesters as well – in both Congress and the Senate – and US foreign policy is dictated from Jerusalem by the Rothshite Ashkenazi crime syndicate’s ‘Kosher Nostra’ Makhers.

Shylock Gobblebaum, a self-declared Islamophobe bigot might have been actually born in the Big Rotten Apple but was raised as a racist Sabra on the O’chel Batachat Kibbutz in Israel itself – and now harbours political ambitions far beyond the scope of his intellectual abilities as he seeks to bring an Israeli voice to the United States Congress by running in the May 29th Republican primary race for Texas’s Sixth Congressional District.

Yet another Jew of convenience, Gobblebaum grew up in Israel, studied ‘Palestinian Bashing’ at Tel Aviv University’s prestigious Institute for Advanced Ethnic Cleansing and served his conscription duty in the Israeli army’s Half Cock Brigade. He later joined the Tel Aviv Police Department and during his service boasts he was nominated for numerous awards, including one for kidnapping West Bank Palestinian youths for sale to the ‘Rabid Rabbi’ black market transplant organ donor syndicate.

Speaking to one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette, Gobblebaum declared for the public record “I’m the only candidate for the GOP’s Congressional seat here in Redneck Land who’s a pro-Zionist and has Israel’s best interests at heart.”
“It’s my personal view that Israel should be allowed to do whatever it needs in the Middle East – such as nuking Iran before they can do the same to God’s Chosen people – and these scumbag Palestinians need to change their education system and accept Israel as a Jewish state with Jerusalem as its capital – then piss off and find somewhere else to live – because Israel is our Promised Land.”

As the election primaries quickly approach, Gobblebaum’s mailing gophers canvassed in excess of 40,000 homes around Austin, doling out posters bearing the Magen David Adom plus the candidate’s picture and a slogan stating: ‘Zionist Muslim Hater for Congress’ – broadcasting his primary goal is to enforce a halt on the ‘Islamisation’ of America – by deporting all Muslims and bulldozing every last mosque, then turning the sites into 7/11 Stop n Rob’s – or Cash Converter pawn shops.

“It might be a far-reaching ambition right now, but what this country really needs is a Jewish President who puts Israel’s interests first and foremost - and not just a succession of Zionist stooges like this secret Muslim Indonesian faggot Barky Obama – or Barry Soetero or whatever his name is - in the Oval Office who are just beholden and indebted to the Rothshite crime syndicate for funding their election campaigns.”

Conversely, Gobblebaum’s Muslim neighbours are not overly enthusiastic about his candidacy. Shaheed al Ka-Boom, a spokesman for the Islamic community told one press hack from the Jolly Jihad Review that “Many of us are deeply offended by this Gobblebaum person’s racist campaign. He does not even live in District 6 but says he’ll move here if he gets elected. So does the moron realise he will have 50,000 Muslim neighbours – and all of them Democrat voters – and his purpose in life is to demonise Islam as a threat to the continuation of Western civilisation?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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