Vatican Slapped with Sex Orgies Scandal

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Regardless of Vatican peer pressures to ‘shut the fuck up’ the Catholic Church's chief exorcist, Father Gabriel Blabberotti, is sticking by his statement that Emanuela Orlandi, a 15-year old virgin who went missing in Rome in 1983, was kidnapped to be a ‘suck n swallow’ sex slave in one of the Vatican’s three holer clusterfuck orgies – and to add insult to injury, eventually had her mortal remains hidden in a murdered mobster's tomb in the Sant Sappho’s Basilica, close to Piazza La Skanga in the centre of Rome.

Last week police and forensic experts opened the tomb of the charismatic mobster Tony de Corruptioni following an anonymous phone call to Italian TV’s ever-popular ‘Spot the Body’ primetime programme, claiming the truth about Emanuela's disappearance would be found inside.
Corruptioni, the leader of a murderous gang known as the Banda della Scumbaggios – and whose name on the £12,000 quid tomb is spelt in diamonds - was gunned down in the city's famous Campo de Criminoso in 1990 by members of his outfit following a catastrophic falling out over gang pension rights and overtime pay.

Detectives investigating the disappearance of Emanuela Orlandi in 1983, believed Corruptioni was linked to her kidnap and the body of the Vatican employee's daughter was never found – until now - and although the skeleton of a teenage female – obviously not that of the Mafia gangster – was discovered it has not yet been positively identified as Emanuela’s.

At the time of his funeral there were raised eyebrows and a plethora of back-stabbing slanderous gossip when, despite his criminal past, church chiefs allowed Corruptioni to be buried in the crypt of Sant Sappho’s Basilica.
However the burial was given the go ahead because prison chaplain Father Corruptioni (no relation) swore to three Bishops and a Magistrate on a stack of Bibles, Torahs and Korans that the Mafiosa boss had repented while in jail, attended Mass and confessed that he had only ever murdered other scrotes and scallies like himself - and also committed a lot of work for charity, including giving large donations to the Roman Catholic Church.

Conversely Father Blabberotti, in an interview with Italy’s La Shitraker gutter press tabloid, revealed 'This was a crime with a sexual motive that has already previously been stated by Monsignor Simeone Duca, the Vatican’s senior Papal Pimp, before some Curia scumbag ordered his bedtime cuppa dosed up with a spot of Gob-Stopper cyanide, the same as Pope John Paul 1st.”

“It was Duca’s assignment to recruit girls for sex orgies with the help of the Vatican gendarmes and Emanuela ended up in this sexual exploitation circle - which led to her murder and then the hiding of her body in the Sant Sappho’s Basilica crypt by Archbishop Paul Marcinkus and other dirty diplomatic staff from a foreign embassy to the Holy See and the Opus Dei perverts.”

Fr Blabberotti further revealed “They used to hold these filthy orgies down at the P2 Freemason’s Lodge in Doggers Wood or in the catacombs below St Sodom’s Church of Latter Day Catamites - where Emanuela was ritually sacrificed by Archbishop Marcikus and Sister Mingeeter of the Holy Sepulchre of the Sacred Godermiche Convent.”
“These Viagra and booze-fuelled Papal Paedo Parties were occasions staged every full moon - their ‘Strictly Come Sodomites’ dances and the Curia’s Synchronised Choirboy Sodomy Ensemble.”

In 2008 Sabrina Sluttella, Tony Corruptioni’s ‘moll’ at the time of Emanuela’s disappearance, also claimed that American Archbishop Marcinkus, the controversial chief of the Vatican Bank, and God’s Bankster Robert Calvi were behind the kidnap – but unfortunately never made a legal deposition on this revelation due falling victim to a hit and run accident by a taxi the day following her revelations – while sunbathing in her garden.

The credibility of Father Gabriel Blabberotti, 85, the Roman Catholic Church's leading exorcist priest who has carried out 70,000 of these rituals, has been questioned by the Vatican as he has previously denounced the Eastern practice of Yoga and the fictitious boy magician Harry Potter as the works of Satan.

Fr. Blabberotti, a colourful albeit eccentric figure, was appointed by the late Pope John Paul II as the Vatican's chief exorcist – and this isn’t the first time he’s raised eyebrows with his forthright views - two years ago claiming kiddie fiddling sex scandals rocking the Catholic Church were evidence the Devil was at work in the Vatican – a statement very few people would disagree with.

In 2006, Father Blabberotti, who was ordained a priest in 1954, gave an interview to Vatican Radio’s Possession Hour in which he revealed the Nazi leader Adolf Hitler, Russian dictator Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao of the people’s Marxist Utopia of China were all possessed by the Devil – and that the-then wartime Pope Pius XII attempted a long distance exorcism of Hitler - which unfortunately incited a negative reaction and resulted in the invasion of Poland and the Blitz.

Thought for the day: Simple arithmetic: The Vatican’s chief exorcist, Fr Gabriel Blabberotti / 85 years of age, ordained in 1954 – performed 70,000 exorcisms = almost 4 a day every day for 50 years! Oh well, at least bullshitting doesn’t constitute a mortal sin.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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