Rebekah the Ranga Skanger Collared

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Rebekah Wade Brooks, the rabid ranga best remembered for getting arrested after downing her Bell Enders soap ‘hard man’ partner Ross Kemp with a swift right jab - followed up by a sneaky left hook and a kick in the bollocks, has finally been charged with perverting the course of justice for her part in attempting to cover up the News International phone hacking scandal by implementing an ‘email deletion policy’ in response to legal action launched by hapless victims against News International, which published the Sunday Shitraker.

The ginger-mingin skanger was originally arrested in mid-March 2012, along with hubby Charlie ‘The Donkey’ Brooks as part of the Met Plod Squad’s Operation Whodunnit investigation led by Assistant Commissioner Sue Knackers of the Yard into the purposeful destruction of incriminating materials and other vital evidence relating to inquiries into phone and computer hacking and inappropriate payments (bribery and corruption) to public officials.

Brooks - known to friends and associates alike as ‘a right manipulative, evil bitch’ - was the editor-in-chief of the Dirty Digger’s ‘Daily Shitraker’ gutter press red top tabloid during the years the culture of phone and e-mail hacking was de rigour in the pursuit of newsworthy tattle – along with the bribing of scores of the Met’s ranking plods – and is the first of a legion of suspects currently on bail to be charged in an inquiry that’s now dragged on for eighteen months and involved hundreds of thousands of police officers and backup staff from the G4S Renta-Moron Security Agency.

Revealing the charges ahead of the 10:00 am scheduled Crown Prosecution Service announcement, Brooks told one reporter from the Hackers Review: "Me and Charlie have this morning been informed by the Office of the Department of Public Prosecutions that we’re to be charged with three counts of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice."

Regardless of this shock and awe first strike to her bloated ego, the 69-year old Brooks continued with a display of her customary unqualified arrogance by launching a vitriolic diatribe against the Met and the CPS, stating for the public record “I deplore this weak and unjust decision to press criminal charges against me – and following the latest bout of unprecedented posturing by Kier Stammerer and the Crown Prosecution Service I will respond later today after my return from the police station to get formally charged, finger-printed and photographed, and provide a DNA stool sample."

So, regardless of her recent brass-necked exclamation when called upon to appear before the Leveson Inquiry of “This is a fucking witch hunt - do these tossers know who I am? I’m that well in with Scotland Yard’s top dogs they even lend me horses, and Posh Dave Scameron comes down to our place at a weekend for a bit of a canter with me! Rupert’s really going to spit the dummy this time and have the lot knee-capped!” - the evil Queen of Hack might well have been the Dirty Digger’s number one hatchet lady as CEO of News International – but will she be able to talk – bribe - or shag – her way out of this burgeoning pickle?

To wit, bribery and corruption charges besides, let’s just wait until Raving Rupert Mudrock has his chauffer hand out a few large buff envelopes stuffed with £50 quid notes to the boys at the Met and the CPS – plus the prosecution witnesses - then see any evidence evaporate like cat piss on a hot tin roof.

Have you had your phone or e-mails hacked by the Dirty Digger’s News Corp crime syndicate? Do you have any slanderous filth on the manky Mudrocks or Rebekah the ranga skanger – or the Tory Culture Secretary Jeremy Kunt?
If so, contact the ambulance-chasing legal specialists Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors) using the Snitch n Grassers online whistle-blowing form below and you too could cop for a visit from the Met Plod Squad’s Graft & Corruption Division and get your legs broken.

Thought for the day. So, raving Rupert Mudrock’s not quite the invulnerable Master of the Universe he’s been making himself out to be since the dawn of time, with his news crime empire coming apart at the seams. Personally we’ve seen better organised riots.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.