Monday, 21 May 2012

UKIP Predicted Next Downing St Tenants

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a survey in last weekend’s Sunday Shitraker, nine out of ten punters who were stupid enough to vote Conservative at the 2010 General Election are ready to back Nigel ‘Indestructible’ Barrage and his Europhobe UK Independence Party - or have already switched their allegiance and monthly direct debit party donations - revealing the danger posed to ‘Austerity Dave’ Scameron by the rapidly burgeoning anti-EUSSR sentiment across the expanse of Broken Britain.

The devastating poll reveals 90% of the 2010 voters who wanted to kick New Labour squarely in the bollocks for making a fuck of everything they touched during 13 years in office – (including saddling the country with a porridge wog for PM that no fucker or their dog ever voted for (Grotty Gordon) after career war criminal Tony Bliar got us involved in two illegal foreign wars of aggression then ducked out) – and made the mistake of voting for the Tories or Lib-Dums - claim they have already decided to back the UKIP Eurosceptic fringe party as our once green and pleasant land’s last chance of saving the day before we fall headlong down the rabbit hole and into the EUSSR ‘Federation’ trap - and end up divided between Norway, Holland, Belgium, France and Eire.

This poll result ‘frightener’ will heap pressure on that pair of intellectual disappointments, Posh Dave Scameron and his Libservative Coalition Deputy PM Mick ‘Turncoat’ Clogg - who jointly face demands from their backbenchers and ministers for a referendum on Britain’s fatally-flawed continued membership of the EUSSR to be included in any future Tory / Lib-Dum election manifesto – and this time actually hold a ‘one-off and that’s it’ vote – unlike the graft and corruption-ridden Eire government who kept holding referendums until they got the desired ‘Yes’ result.

Critics claim a more strident anti-European stance will do sweet fuck all to improve Cabbage Patch Dave’s political standing as the last time he promised a referendum he reneged on his word using the first pathetic excuse his spin doctors could come up with – and his credibility in the European sphere of influence has already waned to zero due his refusal to join the euro currency yet continues to pontificate to every other sod currently facing ‘euro’ insolvency on where they’re going wrong while he’s incapable of sorting out the UK’s bankster-caused Debtocracy dilemma.

Yesterday, Scameron joined world leaders for talks at Camp David, where efforts were being made by the G8 to - (wait for it) – ‘encourage growth as well as austerity’ – an alchemical fiscal combination that equates to shoving butter up a porcupine’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.

So the G8 heavyweights have decided that Kraut Chancellor Angela Merkel’s ‘scorched earth’ policies on resolving the euro crisis can now be ditched since her compliant ‘poison dwarf’ stooge and sole supporter, France’s Nicky Sarkozy, has been finally booted out onto the human resource landfill site due his shelf life being expired – and the more moderate new President, Fran├žois Hollande appeared on the world stage promoting a logical reality check policy of investing to stimulate economic growth – a factor that Merkel and Sarkozy – and others – seem to have conspicuously (dare we speculate ‘purposely?) overlooked or ignored.

With little sign of prayer working to evoke Divine Intervention and rescue the doomed ‘euro’ economies of Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal or Eire – or anywhere else in the eurozone – Scameron yesterday resorted to uttering a stream of ridiculous bon mot’s and hyperbolic rhetoric to reassure the legions of sceptical voters back in Broken Britain that he is making a monumental, Messianic impact on the world stage.

Meanwhile, at home he’s regarded as being more full of shit than a Christmas goose – along with his incompetent penny-pinching Chancellor George Osborne and the rest of the shirt-lifting fudgers and ‘ponces and nonces’ that currently comprise the insidious wastrel ranks of the Libservative Coalition cabinet.

Conversely, while Scameron’s on his G8 ego-trip at Camp David, Justice Minister Ken ‘Flipper’ Clarke, the incumbent Tory MP for Bums Rush, who knows less about matters fiscal and the global economy than he does about ‘The Law’, has inadvertently opened gob before engaging brain and pissed all over ‘Austerity Dave’s’ self-promoting celebration bonfire – by going into full scaremongering mode and informing one gutter press hack from the Chicken Little Gazette that Europe's banking system is in tatters and warning that UK interests are heavily exposed to these potential problems.

In what might well manifest as an unintentional career felo da se, Clarke had the brazen hubris to babble on that Greek voters had to either shit or get off the pot and face up to reality by voting for parties willing to cut the country's deficit and stop electing a bunch of radical cranks and Bolshie extremists.
"The Greek electorate have got to get their finger out and face up to reality even if they are having a terrible time of it with the price of Ouzo and Retsina going through the roof and they can’t afford to go off to a bar and get pissed anymore. If they get kicked out of the eurozone and back on the sodding drachma, then it’s all going to go tits up for the rest of Europe – and those Euroskecptics like that horrible Nigel Barrage will start laughing and shout “Told you so!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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