Carbon Footprint ‘Rat-Sat’ Okayed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The EUSSR’s Space Agency has okayed the funding of a new surveillance satellite to measure man-made carbon emissions as it orbits the planet in order to track down violators of the UN’s Orwellian global warming regulations, allowing Big Brother to enforce a series of higher taxes and penalty fines on CO2 offenders.

Thus little wonder the green fascists have a hard-on for the cutting edge technology being employed to impose a scientific dictatorship under whose draconian rule every facet of human behaviour will be monitored, controlled and restricted once the Agenda 21 depopulation programme has culled the human herd by several billion bodies, transmigrated the micro-chipped mutant survivors of their CDC bio-wars into the planned Mega-opolis slave labour cities and turned the rest of the planet into a giant elitists-only safari / theme park.

Labelled the ‘Rat-Sat’, due its ‘ratting’ ability, the orbital system will be equipped to differentiate between natural carbon emissions from such things as erupting volcanoes and Third World hack and burn farming practices clearing zillions of hectares of primordial rain forest for a one-off seasonal crop of cassava – compared with man-made CO2 releases from factory chimneys, bankster's Porsche exhausts and BP’s oil well blowout infernos.

Earlier this month, the EUSSR Space Agency announced that the UK-based Scrapheap Challenge team had been awarded the contract to develop the Rat-Sat snitch system satellite, which will be ready for deployment by 2018 – the availability of recycling materials permitting.

Rat-Sat will be loaded with the latest Snitch n Grasser ‘HIS’ (Highly Intrusive Surveillance) software programmes developed by Microslop’s ‘Dirty Tricks’ division and possess the capability to download incriminating data direct to the UK’s cyber-spy GCHQ agency which can then be accessed by money-grubbing, officious council authorities across the Broken Britain to pinpoint the local carbon criminals – whose barbeque is too smoky or which Bolshie anarchist type is burning garden waste instead of composting it – and dispatch a gang of their Community Enforcement Stasi on hire from the Renta-Thug Security Agency to slap some hapless pensioner with a £90 on-the-spot fine.

The system will have the capability to detect methane as well as CO2, meaning farmers, whose activity is already policed by a network of fart-detector drones, could face fines and taxes for feeding their livestock fresh meadow grass, over-ripe silage or that great methane generator - clover - depending on the noxious flatulence levels emitted.

However, Candida McSkanger, director of the UK-based anti-government abuse sentinel “Dystopia Watch’, informed one press hack from the Totalitarians Gazette that “They claim the primary purpose is to hunt down environmental violators but just watch it get turned into yet another tool of oppression to target and criminalise the hapless masses and impose fiscal penalties.”
“We’ve seen what these greenie fascists want – enforced euthanasia for CO2 offenders and burn their houses down – but corporations like the GMO giant Monsanto get away with corrupting the FDA to a state of subservient compliance and then polluting the planet with their Frankenfood mutant crop 'terminator' seeds and pesticides that are debasing human DNA and ruining our health.”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day. Fuck the Chicken Little climate change alarmists and their dogmatic fascist waffle concerning anthropomorphic activity being responsible for global warming / cooling – or climate change. Further, fuck Big Brother – and his scare-mongering sister – and the ZioNazi New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.