Baroness Warthog Pushes Parenting Lessons

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Coalition government’s Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next is to issue £100 quid vouchers towards the costs of ‘parenting classes’ in an attempt to stem the breakdown of family discipline – the primary reason blamed by selective memory afflicted government ministers and moronic civil service mandarins for last year's August riots.

Alas, these clots seem to have ‘purposely’ ignored the ‘sore thumb’ causative factor that kick-started the fore-mentioned street protests and looting rampages being the ‘shoot first’ policy murder of Tottenham amateur scally Mark Duggan by the Met’s trigger happy Plod Squad psychos – plus the added incendiary component of an unemployed 99% marginalised youth expressing their dissatisfaction with Broken Britain’s social injustice system and the woefully pathetic ‘have nots’ state of affairs by joining the burgeoning ranks of the scrote and scally gangs.

Ms Chlamydia Mingerot of the Department for Wasting Time & Money, which will oversee the scheme, informed a press hack from the Nanny State Gazette that "We want all these dysfunctional families living on sink or swim council housing estates to get to grips with responsible parenting and this Common Purpose designed NLP programme will hopefully serve to brainwash errant Mums and Dads to lay off the booze and drugs and teach their Bolshie rebellious sprogs what strict discipline and obeying their social betters is all about – and prevent them turning into yobsters.”

The ‘3 P’s’ scheme, aptly named Parent Punishing Power, is said to be the brainchild of Posh Dave Scameron's strategy adviser and Common Purpose wunderkind Stevie Hilton, who is due to leave Downing Street for a year’s sabbatical working in the US with the Great Satan’s Federal Emergency Military Administration staff.

Hilton has been contracted to lecture PSYOP teams on semi-bloodless re-education techniques and the Kafkaesque indoctrination programs to be used in FEMA’s internment gulags when martial law is declared and the 99% Occupy political activists and dissenters - and legions of homeless and unemployed – plus other malcontent ‘useless eaters’ are finally rounded up and sorted out into the ‘red’ (terminate) and ‘blue’ (brainwash) zones of the forced labour concentration camps – to provide a coherent understanding and appreciation of the US’s Zionist policies and actions – ‘both foreign and domestic’.

Fee vouchers for the 3-P’s programme will be distributed through Boots, the high street chemist, with parents entitled to 10 two-hour sessions of advice on how best to raise children so they don’t develop a case of the dreaded Oppositional Defiance Disorder and grow up thinking for themselves then critically questioning their government’s motives and actions.

Initially the scheme will be piloted in three known centres of anarchy and socio-political revolt: Smegmadale-on-Sea, Slumborough Hamlets in north London and Twatt’s Peak, Derbyshire – with the proviso to be extended throughout the rest of the known Universe if it proves a success in the UK.

Pushing the Orwellian scheme on behalf of Broken Britain’s shadow government is Conservative Party co-chairperson Baroness Seedy Warthog, who opined to one press hack from the Totalitarian Review that “Personally I’d sooner see the sodding kids taken away from their useless parents as soon as they’re weaned and brought up in government institutions – but that level of control will have to wait until our technology achieves another quantum leap forwards and we have the next generation kitted out with ‘on/off’ micro-chips from birth.”

Thought for the day. Conspiracy theories besides, this is a target the globalists are aiming for, and if parents can’t – or won’t – comply and educate their progeny to kow-tow and touch their forelocks as their so-called ‘social betters’ pass by then we’re going to be faced with the ever-expanding travesty of corrupt social services criminals filling secret family courts with ‘desirable’ children, snatched from their parents as fodder for officialdom’s Masonic kiddie fiddling paedophile rings.

So, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order – for the Day of the Rope draws closer with the passing of each new dystopian law.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.