Tory Minister Branded ‘Unnecessary and Futile’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

New Labour leader Ed Millipede (aka The Child Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit) took time off from demanding that Tory Culture Secretary Jeremy ‘Rupert’s Boy’ Kunt be ‘hung, drawn and quartered’ – or at least ‘resign’ - for his alleged mollycoddling of - and conspiratorial leaking of insider information to - ‘Aussie Bloke’ Mudrock and his News Corporation crime syndicate relative to their BSkyB bid – to instead castigate Nicky ‘Le Querk’ Herbert, the Tory MP for Bum’s Rush and incumbent Minister of State for Police and Criminal Justice.

Millipede and his gang of sour-faced opposition bench losers have called for Herbert’s sacking following his tactless public announcement to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker on Thursday in which he described the 24-hour strike by hundreds of thousands of public sector workers across the UK to protest against the government's plans to change their pensions as '’unnecessary and futile’ - with the existing proposals for pensions being a lot better than government employees got in China or Russia – making it clear that he saw no point in further dialogue with a bunch of Unison’s greedy, money-grasping stewards.

Herbert’s announcement, to his undying embarrassment, is now spread across cyberspace via YouTube- a notorious and timeless record of him pontificating on the unpatriotic actions of the striking public sector - with a smarmy, shit-eating smirk on his conceited weasel face.
Known around the House of Conmans and to friends and political associates alike as a right nasty little shit, Herbert is labelled as being as popular as a leper at a christening – and further stigmatised by his perverse sexual desire to copulate with other men – what the Holy Bible labels ‘a sodomic abomination’.

Ed Millipede informed the media “Who does this clot think he is, terming the strike action as 'unnecessary and futile when it is the workers’ hard-fought and won democratic right to withdraw their labour - and the Plod Squad doing so too demonstrates the rancour these people harbour towards this fuck-up of a Coalition government. So PM Posh Dave Scameron and Nick Herbert should take careful note and ensure proper negotiations regarding radical changes to pension agreements take place - where each side views an account of the others’ perspectives rather than simply dismissing the action as treasonous.”

Baz McSkanger, President of Unison, informed press hacks “Well, Herbert’s just another gobshite Tory wiv shit-fer-brains wot seems ter overlook the fact that while callin’ us a bunch of penny-pinchin’ scrotes, his effin’ pension’s set fer life and he’s rakin’ in a yearly salary of £134,565 quid –includin’ his MP's pay packet of £65,738 - plus owt else he can claim fer wiv his dodgy expense claims.”

“Him an’ his civil partner, Jimbo Fudger, paid £490,000 nicker fer a house in March 2006 an’ took out a mortgage fer the entire price then claimed back £10,000 of the £14,700 quid in stamp duty, as well as £150 of the valuation fee an’ £675 fer a survey of the property. Since then he’s claimed the entire £1,893.35 monthly interest charge on the house’s £465,000 mortgage, despite his partner’s name bein’ on the property’s deeds as well – plus ter add insult ter effin’ injury yer got his second home claims wot comes ter £22,720 nicker a year on top – an’ all out of the tax-payers purse.”

“So this ponce reckons our strike action is ‘unnecessary an’ futile, eh. Well, we reckon Minister Herbert’s government position is unnecessary an’ futile as he’s as much use as tits on a bull if the blinkered twat refuses to sit down at a negotiating table an’ talk wiv us. Let’s be honest here – this is just another Tory frog wot’s got delusions of becomin’ a toad.”

Thought for the day. Ed Millipede’s insidious Machiavellian style scheme to call for the resignation of the entire Libservative Coalition due their individual faux pas will swing its vindictive, slanderous focus back onto Jeremy Kunt with a vengeance this week following revelations from Rebekah Brooks, the ginger-mingin ex-CEO ‘Duchess’ of the Mudrock’s News International, at the witch-hunting Leveson Inquiry.

The ‘ranga skanger’ did a last ditch self-preservation ‘rabbit out of the hat’ trick and produced an e-mail from Freddy Michel, the public affairs executive of the Dirty Digger’s News Corporation crime syndicate, to herself which revealed the brown-nosing Kunt had declared: “Just wish you were the Prime Minister, Mr Rupert, Sir, instead of this public school oick Scameron, and then perhaps Broken Britain might regain its lost ‘world power’ empire status. Lots of love from your faithful bum-kissing servant, Jeremy.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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