Wednesday, 18 July 2012

TSA Gropers Seconded for Olympics

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what might just prove to be the biggest fuckup since their last big fuckup, the Borders Agency immigration system at Thiefrow Airport has finally come to a grinding halt due the forced redundancy layoff of staff, sanctioned under the Libservative Coalition government’s ‘hack n burn’ austerity campaign – with some hapless tourists spending their entire vacations waiting in passport control queues to get an entry stamp.

Since the ouster of the ginger-mingin Ms Lin Homer last February - (the half-baked civil servant who presided over years of ‘Larry, Mo and Shemp’ slapstick chaos at the Immigration and Nationality Directorate / aka UK Border Agency and became a living proof legend that the Peter Principle, which governs the actual mechanics bureaucratic incompetence, was alive and well) - Immigration Minister Damian Greenfly (the incumbent Tory MP for Old Scrotum) pledged that the Borders Agency would become streamlined and hyper-efficient – by making hundreds of staff redundant and promoting the intellectually-challenged Robert Shiteman – yet another crass amateur posing as a professional - to head the UKBA.

Shiteman, never too quick to engage brain before opening mouth, was conned into being interviewed yesterday on the BBC’s ‘Bungling Gits’ programme then bushwhacked with the question as to why, while G4S were being publically pilloried on live television in the House of Conmans for failing to meet their quota of security guards to police the Olympic Games venues, had the Borders Agency decided to outdo and excel them by being unable to field sufficient staff to man the Thiefrow immigrations desks?

To this conundrum he replied “This is the curse of Brodie Clark come back ter haunt us. Nobody mentioned anything ter us about any 2012 Olympic Games fortnight or bein’ inundated wiv mobs of tourists. I mean ter say, who the fuck in their right mind comes ter Britain on holiday in the summer? Have they never seen rain before? Wot they gonna do, sit in the Olympic stadium wiv a brolly an’ get piss-wet through, eatin’ McDonald’s ‘Monopoly Cut’ chips – or go off paddlin’ down some quaint Home Counties village High Street in a pair of cheapo Pound Stretcher wellies?”

In a last ditch effort to cover the Borders Agency staffing shortfall, Downing Street’s chief gopher Scabby Bertin was handed the unenviable task of calling up Janet Napolitano, the super-dyke head honcho of the Great Satan’s Department of Homeland Insecurity, and pleading that she dispatch, immediately if not sooner, a team of Transportation Security Administration gropers to sexually molest passengers arriving in London on flights from the good ole US of A – so they wouldn’t be stuck in immigration queues and miss the entire games.

However, UK human rights activists have been quick to protest any TSA presence in Britain - which is essentially still a ‘civilised country’ - due their notorious reputation for being staffed by a collection of perverts, pederasts, dog wankers and other associated pondscum – performing intrusive pat downs that have been compared to being raped through your knickers – and several women subjected to full body searches, with a flashlight shoved up their rear passage to check if they were drug mules or terrorists smuggling weapons of mass distraction.

Ron McScrote, the director of the Twat-Watch government abuse monitor charity, opined to a press hack from the Daily Shitraker “Personally, I’ve seen better organised riots. They’re talkin’ about hyper-security for the Olympics an’ these moronic tossers at ‘Group 4 Insecurity’ turn round and say they’re a few thousand renta-thugs short – an’ now the Borders Agency are so understaffed that shed loads of suicide-bent Semtex Saracens – all registered on the Home Office terrorist suspect index system - are pourin’ in through Thiefrow without a visa, an’ hell-bent on blowin’ up our democratic freedoms.”

“So to add insult to injury this pisspot government of ours are gonna bring in a bunch of renta-gropers from the TSA to get their jollies off by sexually molestin’ British airline passengers.”
“What, with half the criminals in the Plod Squad getting made redundant and three million unemployed on the Joblesscentre’s books, plus the tens of thousands that’s signed the Sex Offenders Register, they’re sayin’ that Broken Britain can’t round up enough paedo’ kiddie fiddlers and tit-squeezin’ crotch gropin’ perverts of our own from that lot to sexually assault arrivin’ passengers?

Thought for the day. As there never was a ‘Plan B’ strategy to cover the G4S and the Borders Agency fubars, we are thus left to ponder is it a matter of genuine chaos – or organised by sinister design? So when the false flag terror attack kicks off with a fucking big Ka-Boom! the government can turn round and point the fickle finger of fate at the Borders Agency and G4S and scream “It’s all your fuckin’ fault!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

They have a worse rep' than even the Vatican priests for molesting with a license.

Gilly said...

What he's writing about here is TRUE - not satire. These TSA people are out of control back home. Get fried in their tetra-wave full body scanners or have some fat dyke - or male perv's fingers shoved halfway up ur snatch thru ur kex. No shit - I've sexperienced this on a flight from New Orleans to LA - domestic.

Anonymous said...

Yep n gotcha Gilly. Pukarama the lot of them. Pity AmTrack are getting these scumbags as guards also.